Rewind Reverie

Pushed Against a Wall

I fee like I'm going to be sick.

The insides of my stomach feel wobbly as whatever's inside twists, turns, and slaps against the walls in wet, disgusting slaps.  I try to tell myself to be reasonable.  We're just friends and he can see whoever he wants.  But the more the words try to sink in, the more my brain bristles, stuffing each mantra into a defiant iron maiden with recently sharpened spikes.

"So, it's true."  My voice trails.  I don' even want to say it.  "You are going out on a date tonight?"

"No, it's not like that!"  Tell that to my heart.  I have no right to feel like this.  I haven't given him an answer and he's not bound to me.  But that kiss has me all in my feelings.  I'm not sure I can get myself out.  "I mean, yes, I'm going out with a girl, but.."

"You don't have to tell me anything, Ari."  I don't hear it.  It doesn't matter.  It shouldn't matter.  But I don't want to hear it.  "I mean, it's none of my business who you go out with.  I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun."

"Listen to me, Finn!"  Ari eyes plead with me, begging for understanding.  "It's not even like that.  I mean, it sounds like that, but it's not."

Okay, now I'm a little confused.  "Again, it's none of my business but how can it sound like that and not be a that?"

"Because I'm going out with my friend, who just happens to be a girl."  Somewhere, in some hidden corner of my brain, I can hear a tiny sigh of relief.  "You remember Nessa, right?  I have macroeconomics with her."

"Nessa..."  The name brings flashes that I can't quite seem to pin down.  "Wait, isn't she that strawberry blonde that likes to dance?"

"Yeah, that's her.  She likes to sing, too.  But she likes to assert her dominance in front of a group of people even more."

"I...don't think I follow."

"I've been telling her about the karaoke rivalry between Kason and Sadie and now, she wants to push her way into it.  And that means showing up unannounced to that karaoke contest Lotteria is having tonight."  The cogs begin to turn in my head as I begin to realize what he's getting at.  "She thinks she could beat the both of them and take the prize."

"Are you serious?" If I had water in my mouth, this would be the perfect time to spit out all of it.  

"You don't I can make something like that up?"  He shrugs.  "Anyway, Nessa asked me to drive her to Lotteria for the contest.  I didn't really want to do it, because Sadie's a friend and all, but after that crap she pulled back there, I'm not all that eager to be loyal.  I want to see the look on her face when she realizes she's got real competition since Nessa can actually sing."

"Wow."  The smile spreads wide and tight across my face.  I want to let out the deepest exhale, followed by the loudest, most jovial laugh.  I have no right to be happy, but I am.  It's not a date.  It's just sneaky betrayal.  Which for some people would be even worse.  But not me. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to karaoke but after hearing all this, I really want to see what goes down."

"You're not going to tell Sadie, are you?"

"After all that crap she pulled back there?  Nah.  She can be surprised."  I smirk.  This is is going to be a hell of a night.  "I'll even jump in front of you if she tries to swipe at you afterward."

"No way."  Ari furiously shakes his head. "I can take whatever she dishes out if it means you don't get hurt."

"Always a gentleman, even in the face of his demise."  I have to know.  I have to hear him say.  To be sure.  "So, it's really not a date?"