Don't Let Go (Third Book to the Other Side)

Chapter Two

It didn't rain.

I was expecting rain, and it never came.

It was wrong for the world to be so bright, for the sun to show its unwanted face. It was wrong for the world to completely disregard Thomas, the one person who mattered more than anything else. Has it already forgotten, or did it not even notice he was gone in the first place?

The only noticeable change was the birds. Their song was elegiac. Mournful. But soon, they returned to the way it was before, and everything had moved on.

Apart from me.

I stared in the mirror. I hadn't cried in a few days. After a while I guess you just start to run out of tears. But I was still devastated.

Every morning I woke up, praying it was all just some horrible dream, daring to hope that he'd be right next to me, and I'd cry, and he'd comfort me, but it would all just be a dream. But every morning, when I summoned enough courage to open my eyes, he was gone, and I got to relive the most painful moment of my life—when Thomas left it.

Today was going to be worse than all the others, though.

Today was the day I'd finally have to let go.

"You okay?" Eliza asked, knocking lightly on the door to warn me of her presence.

I shook my head as she entered and fell to my bed. After the first day, Eliza and Philip have been the only two things stopping me from unspeakable acts. They've grounded me, somehow managed to keep me together.

I joined her on the bed and raised my hands to my face. "I dreamt about him again."

Her hand on my back. No words, just her touch. I forgot how much I craved touch, even if it wasn't his. I leaned in to her, and her arms found their way around me. "I know what you're going through. It's okay Alexander," she murmured. "Everything's going to work out in the end."

I nodded, and she pulled me closer, and I stared in the mirror at the pitiful reflection looking back at me.

She let go of me. "Ready to go?"

I shrugged. Of course I wasn't, but I wouldn't ever be. How could I?

"It's going to be okay, Alexander." She paused, lifting my face to where I was looking straight into her sincere eyes.

I did the unthinkable. I kissed her. I don't know why. I don't know what I was thinking, if I was thinking at all. But I was hurting. She was right there. Maybe I wondered if she was anything at all like Thomas, and oh Divinity, she wasn't. Where Thomas smelled like rain, she was flowers. Where he tasted like honeydew, she tasted like sugar. And she's gentle, slow. She didn't pull me back on top of her like Thomas would, wrapping her arms around my neck.

It's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing at all.

She should have pushed me away. I should have stumbled backwards, awkwardly apologizing. But neither of us moved until I couldn't breathe and slipped away from her.

"Fuck," I murmured. "I'm sorry. I...I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's fine," she said, breathless. She smoothed her hair. "Let's just...let's not tell anybody? I don't think they'd be against it, but it seems a little tasteless so soon."

"Yeah."

She stood up and paused, looking down at me. "It's okay to move on, Alexander. It's okay to want to be happy." She kissed me again, this time lightly on the cheek, and left without another word.

I fell back against the bed, hands on my temples.

"I'm so sorry Thomas. That was a mistake. That shouldn't have happened."