Don't Let Go (Third Book to the Other Side)

Chapter Fifteen (The Lost Warrior)

TW: Suicidal thoughts

I pressed my hand against the wall of the cave, peering into the darkness waiting for me. Sweat trickled down my face, but I wasn't sure if it was from the sun beating against my back or not. Despite the heat, I was grateful for it. Swallowing down the fear that sat on the tip of my tongue like a marble, I took a step forward into the darkness. I winced; the cold seeped into my body at once.

I guess I wasn't so surprised to hear nothing, not even birdsong or the rustling of leaves from the forest behind me. I let out a soft laugh, though it was completely humorless. Even birds were smart enough to avoid this place. I wish I was as smart as a bird.

I stared into the darkness of the cave, even as every single one of my instincts begged I turn around and run in the opposite direction. There was nothing welcoming about this cave. There was nothing fun. It was just as bleak as the last time I had been here, and even then, I was surrounded by people. But this time? This time, I was alone.

The past few weeks have been nothing short of awful. I isolated myself again, but what other option did I have? I couldn't bring myself to be around the others. Every smile felt forced, every laugh or kind word felt out of place. And what was the point, anyway? She's gone. Nothing can bring her back.

And Thomas. As an unspoken rule, we had agreed never to mention his name. He was just another enemy we had to defeat. Another challenge we had to overcome.

And I hated thinking about him, even more than I already had. I couldn't bring myself to step foot in his room. To think about anything he had done. To touch anything he had given me. I didn't know who he was anymore.

A critical chirp jolted me out of my thoughts.

"I'm not stalling," I said, though I didn't know if that's what she was asking in the first place.

Belletra chirped again from atop my shoulder. I laughed a little and touched her forehead lightly. She was one of the few things to have brought me comfort in the past weeks. I couldn't not bring her along. Her weight on my shoulder was assuring, welcome.

"Alright, alright. I guess you have a point. Let's go in?"

I took another step in, leaving behind the world outside the cave. Darkness enveloped my vision immediately, as though a door had swung shut. When I turned around behind me, there was no opening, just another wall. Panic rose to my mouth like blood, but I forced it down with a deep breath. "Okay. That's not normal. Let's keep going." Was I talking for the bird's sake, or mine?

I opened my hand, palm facing the roof of the cave. A small light flickered for a moment, but it wasn't strong enough to sustain itself, and I was plunged into the darkness again. I swallowed down my frustration and fought to keep myself as calm as possible. That was the secret to beating this. Staying calm.

Belletra let out a few notes, the beginning of a soft song, and I started forwards as she sang. I kept the clacking of my boots against the stone in rhythm as best as I could, grateful for the distraction. But the memories were beginning to flow back—steady at first, like the trickle of a stream, but soon they were flooding with the power of a storm.

I heard voices. Distant, but they were there. I wrote them off as another part of the trick and ignored them as best as I could, but my worst thoughts were beginning to get the best of me.

Some of the memories weren't so bad. Every once in a while, I would get the warmth of another morning in the Caribbean summer, or the sweet smell of the bread a stranger had leant me when they realized I was lost. I sometimes saw the sea crashing against the rocks and felt homesick for a world I had never been to. I'd even see the memories that never truly existed, like of playing with my brother as a child, or even my mother. I wonder, in the real version of my past, if she was a part of it? The same person who I thought had raised me?