Don't Let Go (Third Book to the Other Side)

Chapter Twenty Seven

A hand on my back. I flinched away. "Are you alright?"

I nodded.

"Do you need something?" Angelica asked.

I nodded again. My fingers tightened around the bars for support.

"You don't seem alright. Let me get you some tea."

"I'm fine," I managed to choke out.

Tears stuck to my cheeks. I concentrated solely on my breathing. I couldn't think. Couldn't speak. Couldn't do anything at all.

"Alexander," Angelica whispered. She grabbed me by the arm. I closed my eyes. She pulled me away. The breeze disappeared. The stinging of the raindrops vanished. I was met with warmth. "What's going on?"

I shook my head. Was I sobbing? Was I screaming? I couldn't hear my own voice. I had no control over myself.

"I miss him," I managed out.

"I know," she said. "I miss him too." She stopped. I fell to the bed underneath me. I tried to control my shaking.

My palms were damp with sweat. My fingers were growing numb. My heart was beating so loud I could hear it.

She set a hand on my back.

I'm going to lose him I'm going to lose him I'm going to lose him.

I hated the thought. But it was all I could think. Over and over and over again. I wanted to die. I wanted to give up.

My head was beginning to throb. It contorted the things around me. I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Alexander," Angelica whispered, and for a moment, I thought it was her. Eliza's face shone so clearly out of nowhere, that beautiful, unbeatable smile that managed to chase away everything that was wrong with the world. "Focus on your breathing," she reminded me, reaching a hand out for mine.

I did as she suggested, the swaying world around us melting away.

"Everything's going to be okay. Nobody can hurt you, and Thomas is going to be just fine. Alright?"

I nodded, gathering myself together, and opened my eyes.

"Alex, what happened?" Angelica asked.

I shook my head. The panic was abating, the feeling of utter helplessness slowly retreating like the monster it was. I hugged my body, refusing to look Angelica in the eyes.

"Just a panic attack," I mumbled.

"Oh," she said. "What triggered it?"

"What are you, a psychiatrist?"

"I don't know what this is, but judging by your tone, it sounds horrible."

"It's not, but okay."

"Now, what happened?" she pressed, more than I felt comfortable with. I stared at the bed, wishing for a hole to open up and carry me far, far away from here. Back to Earth, with Thomas right next to me and my arms wrapped safely around him, listening to his soft humming until the rest of the word disappeared.

The image brought tears to my eyes, not that anything didn't do that at this point, but it was still always hard to breathe. I played with the blanket, wishing it was him. I wanted him now. I couldn't wait weeks, as he wanted us to. I couldn't wait for something horrible to happen. I had to be with him right now, simply just so I could know that he was safe and happy.

"Nothing," I returned as neutrally as I could. I didn't want Angelica to know how I felt. I didn't want anybody to know how I felt. I didn't need their pity.