𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘆𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗱𝗼𝗹𝗮𝗻

I'm in pain, can't you see that?

**WARNING** this story will contain some upsetting parts please read at your own risk 

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I stared at the cafeteria wall, admiring the chipped white paint covering it. I was in my own world, thinking about me, only me, how my life was so fucked and filled with heartache. I usually save my thoughts for the pillow, at night where I'm alone and everything's silent, my tears run down the sides of my face and soak my pillow, my sobs unheard from the world, my cries for help that no one seems to hear, my smile that no one seems to see the pain beneath it, the pain that eats my soul everyday that is invisible to my friends and family, the screaming that goes on inside my head that no one even hears, the silent pain slowly killing me. 

"Y/n? Did you hear what I just said?" Sierra spoke waving her hand in my face 

I didn't move as I continued to stare at the wall

"Y/n? Are you listening?"  Connor said as he was opposite me on the lunch table 

"Are you okay?" Ethan followed 

"Y/n" Grayson said 

I nodded my head slowly

"Huh?" I said snapping back into reality, which caused me to knock my apple juice over, spilling it on Grayson's shirt 

"Fuck! Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I panicked as I quickly grabbed some napkins and started to dab it on his shirt 

"Y/n it's okay" 

I ignored him and continued to scrub his shirt with the napkins 

"Fuck it's gonna stain" I mumbled 

"Y/n" 

"Sierra get me more napkins" 

"Hey" he grabbed my hands, stopping  me "I'm okay, it's fine" he smiled 

"No it's not fine, nothing is fine" I began trying to clean his shirt again 

"Y/n stop" he said sternly, grabbing my hands again "it's fine" 

"It's not fine! Nothing will ever be fine! Stop saying that!" 

His eyes widened, I stared at my friends, they all just looked at me puzzled, my lip started to tremble as my eyes filled with tears

Your not gonna cry in front of your friends, you coward 

"I can't do this" I whispered before getting up and running out of the cafeteria 

I ran into the empty halls, as tears gushed down my face like a waterfall. I sobbed and cried as i ran down the halls, going wherever my feet took me. I was in so much concealed pain. I banged and punched the lockers as I found myself weeping and heaving. 

Why! Why are you embarrassing yourself! Stop crying!

I couldn't listen to the words in my head, I usually can but today, right now, I couldn't. 

I smacked my back against the lockers and slid down them, clutching my arms tightly. My legs lay flat on the cold, tile floor as my tears ran down my neck. I pulled my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, I rested my head back on the lockers as I sobbed. My whole heart throbbed and my lungs felt like they were giving up, like it was time for me to die. Everything just hurt, it hurt to breath, it hurt to cry, it hurt to feel but most importantly it hurt to be alive. I'm surrounded by loving people that show so much compassion towards me but there's a cage suffocating my body that's refusing to let me feel there love. The whole world took any chance of me finding happiness away and the same darkness started to envelop me, holding me tight by chains, forcing me to swallow demons and even more sadness. I started to choke from the lack of oxygen that wasn't entering my body, the demons ate my lungs. I shook from fear and pain as I let these monsters take over my body, controlling me any way they could. I was a puppet and they were the people controlling my every move. 

My name was being called, I heard them calling me. 

"Y/n! Oh baby thank god! What's wrong?" 

They controlled me 

"No get away from me!" I screamed shoving Sierra to the ground and standing up 

"Y/n are you okay!" Connor came running in 

"Don't touch me!" I backed up 

He noticed Sierra on the floor and helped her up, as Ethan and Grayson came running in 

Grayson came towards me 

"No! I said stay away!" 

Everyone was frightened as they stared at me intently 

"You all need to leave" 

"No y/n" Ethan said gently "we can help yo-

"No! I don't need help! All of you need to leave!" 

"Y/n please just calm down" connor stepped towards 

"Get back! I'll kill myself if any of you come near me!" 

"Y/n please" Sierra began to cry "You need to calm down" 

"Don't fucking tell me what to do!" I backed up even more 

What am I saying!

"Y/n we can talk about this" Grayson had his hands out in front of him as he took a step towards me 

"Stop coming towards me! I'll kill myself!" 

"Y/n please we love you" Ethan said softly as he had tears in his eyes 

"Don't you dare lie to me! Nobody loves me!" 

"No y/n we do, we love you so much" connor's voice cracked 

"No you don't! None of you do cause if you did then you would see how destroyed I am! I'm in pain, can't you see that? " 

"Y/n we can talk about this" Grayson spoke "you are so loved, you are surrounded by people who care about you" 

"No! Stop! That's bullshit!" 

"Y/n" Sierra sobbed 

I looked at her 

"Listen to me, you are everything and more, I love you with all my heart, WE love you with all our hearts and whatever your feeling we can go through it together, all of us, we can fight together like we always do" she whimpered "cause we're all best friends" 

I stared at them, examining each and every one of them. 

What have I done? 

My legs began to cave, my knees went weak. I collapsed to the floor, completely broken.

They all dashed to my side, hugging me tightly. 

I didn't know what to feel, I didn't know what to think. They never let go of me, they kept me between there bodies, not letting fall deeper into the dark hole beneath me. They kept me safe and protected from the darkness inside me, keeping my broken parts together. I don't what I felt today or what came over me but I guess I realised that it's okay to feel and it's okay to feel alone, because that's when I knew, from this day forward my best friends will be with me, all the way to the end. 

THIS IS MY 100th STORYYY🥳🥳

So to celebrate I made a really sad and depressing imagine that will probably make people cry, what a great way to celebrate! 

All jokes aside, I just wanna say thank you for sticking with for this long, am I that good at writing? 

Lol just kidding but thank you for reading this far on, cheers to the next 100 stories (hopefully) 

Love you guys 💕

PEACE✌🏻