Fresh Start ~ Logan Paul

3. Attempt

Trigger warning ⚠️

I didn't want to die.
I wanted to be saved.

I just wanted to take all the guilt Johnny had left me with, all the memories and all the times I felt like my brain was going to melt from his harsh words and drown them all in a bathtub filled with boiling water. His words and his actions had crafted me into what I was now. So what if I wanted to be saved, was I even worth saving? Who would want to save me?

I had deserved everything that had happened. If I had only kept my mouth shout more or cleaned up better - I wouldn't have been disciplined the way I have been.

Something had triggered me to spiral. Maybe it was looking at my bruise and body in the mirror. Maybe it was grabbing at my chubby stomach or thighs and thinking about all he had ever said. Maybe it was because I knew that even if he went to jail or was sentenced for what he would done, I would still have to look in the mirror every single day and know what he had done.

I hadn't planned for it to be this way. I hadn't decided in advance to take as many medications as I could get my hands on but somehow here I was with Logan next to me. Although I was dizzy and my vision was blurred as I was losing consciousness, I could still make out Logan's face as he held me in his arms, screaming out for help.

Logan moved some hair away from my face that had fallen and was now stuck with sweat while I had hot and cold flushes. He kept whispering it was all going to be okay, that they were getting help and that everything would be fine in the end..That I would survive this.. but what if I didn't want too?

I just wanted mike here. I don't know where he is, I don't know what's going on, everything around me is caving in, like a black hole sucking the life force away from me as I close my eyes.