The Risks

October: Chapter 39

A/N:  Trigger warning for sexual assault in this chapter.

Diane. Tyson. Matt. Lance. Xavier. Paula. Joanne. Bill. Eli. Naomi. Aleesia. Greg. Kate. Sam. Hector. Maria. Brian. Carter. Leila. Maggie. Carla. Dr. Shepard. Charlotte. Wes. Abby.

Chris. Hannah.

Emma.

I repeated the names in my mind. Over and over. Adding more, summoning their faces behind closed eyelids. I wouldn't allow myself to push away the pain, wouldn't allow myself to forget.

I ground my teeth together, letting the fury flow through me. I'd need it when this vehicle stopped.

We hadn't come up with a plan yet –it was nearly impossible to when we didn't really know what to expect. We'd just have to wing it. We'd managed before, surely we could manage now.

Parker was quiet beside me, his head leaning on my shoulder now. Maybe he was sleeping, maybe he was silently fuming like I was. Or maybe he was simply trying to enjoy what he thought were possibly our last moments together.

I had to admit, it was a little unsettling how pessimistic he seemed about our predicament. He'd always been so confident, so brave, so sure. Maybe I should take it as a sign that we really were fucked.

No. I wouldn't believe that.

I'd finally found meaning. Things in this fucked up world I didn't want to lose. The Community, its people. Parker.

And because two of those things were probably gone at this point, there was no fucking way I was going to lose the one thing I had left. My whole reason for everything. My one constant.

Maybe he was done fighting –and maybe he deserved to be done, he'd fought so much- but I wasn't anywhere near done.

The vehicle came to a jarring stop and Parker's head snapped up, eyes suddenly alert. I listened as the driver and passenger doors opened and shut. Silence. And then the thick door on the back grinding open heavily on metal hinges.

It was the big lady who drove us here. Tall and broad with short, nearly platinum blonde hair that fell in waves around her weary face. Her eyes were light blue and steely. I wondered if she was in on all this –if everyone in the Zone was.

Were they all really as awful as their leader? If they knew just what Deacon had planned for us, would they all still stand behind him?

"Out," she ordered, gesturing stiffly with her gun, her eyes never meeting ours directly.

After a shared look and a moment of hesitation, Parker and I stepped out of the back of the vehicle and into the autumn sun.

Outside were two other guards, both wielding assault rifles and both staring with cold conviction. One of them produced a heavy key ring and Deacon paced over to take it.

He jingled it at us impatiently. "Let's go."

I heard Parker inhale deeply and I turned back to him. His eyes were tightly closed, his jaw clenched. His whole body was rigid.

More fear. More very real fear.

Where was Deacon planning on taking us?...

"Move," the tall woman said, shoving me slightly with the butt of her weapon.

I grunted softly, turning my gaze away from Parker and began to follow Deacon.

As our small group walked through the Zone, my eyes scanned our surroundings. Not many people were out, but those who were took the time to stop whatever they were doing to watch us pass, eyes full of hate and distrust and my anger flared again.