Heart of Darkness

Kabanata 27

Kabanata 27

"You know what was the hardest thing when you love someone?" I shifted my gaze and saw my sister sipping on her coffee.

"Hmm?" I hummed, walking towards her and sitting beside her on the bench.

"What's harder, Win? Holding on or letting go?" She looked at me.

Napaisip ako, I crossed my arms and bit my lip before looking at her.

"Holding on," I said. "Masakit kumapit lalo na at alam mong nasasaktan ka, mahirap pero dahil mahal mo ay hahawak ka pa ng mahigpit."

"Wrong," She grinned, flicking my nose.

Ngumuso ako, I jokingly slap her arm and she laughed, shaking her head at me.

"It's letting go," Aniya.

Hindi ako kaagad nagsalita at pinakinggan lamang s'ya.

"May mga bagay, Winter, na sobrang hirap hawakan pero mas mahirap pakawalan. Gagawin natin ang lahat para hawakan iyon ng mahigpit dahil sobrang hirap kapag nakawala. It's easier for people to accept what is about to go but still holding unto it than accepting something that is already gone."

Tumitig ako sa kanya at nakita ang halong saya at lungkot sa kanyang mata.

"What do you mean, Ate? I don't get it." I murmured.

She smiled, lifting her hand to touch my face.

"Let go, Win." She smiled at me. "Let go of the pain you have in your heart, hindi mo kasalanan kung bakit nawala ako. Ginawa ko iyon kasi mahal kita."

I froze, it was as if in the blink of an eye, I was on the cold ground, the room is dark, tanging ang siwang lamang sa bintana ang nagbibigay ng liwanag sa aming magkapatid.

My heart thumped painfully as I noticed how my sister's face was filled with dirt, her dress filled with dry blood.

"A-Ate," My lips quivered. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Hindi mo kasalanan," Bulong n'ya sa hangin. I tried lifting my hand but I coudn't because it was tied behind my back.

"Don't hold unto the pain, Win. Let go of the pain, let go of your hatred, pakawalan mo ang pagsisising nararamdaman mo." Bulong n'ya at hinaplos ang mukha ko.

"B-But I..."

"Sshh, hindi mo kasalanan." She smiled at me. "It was never your fault, it was not Warrion's fault. Nagkataon lang ang lahat, I didn't regret risking my life for you, seeing how much you grew, how much happy you are."

My tears fell, bumilis ang paghinga ko at mas nanlabo ang paningin habang nakatitig sa kanya.

"A-Ate..."

"Let go, Win. We sometimes think that holding on is being brave but no, the bravest thing a person can do is letting go."

"I-I'm sorry, Ate. Miss na miss na kita, I am sorry for being a brat, for dragging you there with me."

"Hinding-hindi kita sisisihin," She said softly. "I came with you because I am your big sister, I want to look after you. I saved you because I love you and I want you to live happily."

"A-Ate..."

"Take care of yourself, Winter. Don't skip therapies, be happy, make our parents more proud, build a family. Just be happy, Win, para kay Ate. Gusto ni Ate na maging masaya ka." Her eyes swelled with tears.

"H'wag mo akong isipin dahil masaya ako rito habang binabantayan ka, masaya akong nakikita kang masaya."

"Take good care of our parents for me, alagaan mo ang sarili mo. Keep Warrion with you, that man loves you so much, Win."