i'll be good // e.d

13. my fault

^song : bad luck/blackbear

lana's pov

11:30am

my eyes slowly opened and i adjusted my sight to see where i was. i wasn't really sure but i knew my head was killing me. i wasn't in my clothes either. i somewhat recognized the shirt but couldn't put a finger on it. last night was a blur. i remember meeting some guy named mattia and i'm pretty sure that i kissed him but after that i don't remember shit.

as i started to look around i realized it was ethan's room, his lanyard was on the desk. his ugg's were kicked to the side. pictures of him and his family on the dresser. i pushed off the covers and put my feet on the carpet. it was soft and squishy.

i opened the door and found my way down stairs. ethan was in the kitchen. he was shirtless and had on black sweatpants that hung low, allowing the band of his tommy boxers to show. he was cooking eggs on the stove and they smelled good. my stomach churned. the hang over lingering

i sat down on one of the bar stools and ethan turned around

"oh hey. how's your head?" he asked

"it hurts. what happened last night."

he laughed "well you were at a frat party. me and one of my buddies decided to go just for the hell of it but then i got there, you were plastered and i mean badly but daniel was also there trying to take you home but then you were calling me baby. i took you home and you said you weren't mad at me about what I told you on thursday. and thennn you threw up on yourself. we showered together but nothing happened. then I put you to bed." he put everything out in the air

"thank you for taking care of me. and i was telling the truth about thursday, i'm not mad at you. i was just upset that you never told me i guess." i half smiled. "and i'm sorry for throwing up and making you shower me again. did you get in with me like you used too?"

"yes, i did, is that okay?"

"yes." He set a plate in front of me

"okay good."

"ethan, i have a question."

he nodded his head

"do you know a guy name mattia?"

"um, I think so, he's on the hockey team with me. why"

"because i was talking to these guys last night and one of them, mattia, did a body shot off me and then he kissed me. but i was like eight deep already and it was kinda blurry."

his jaw clenched and swallowed.

"i'm sorry." i said and picked up the fork

he ran his hand through my hair "no, it's fine."

i knew he was upset and i was upset too, i didn't want to kiss him. i was in love with Ethan. it was weird.

"no, it's not because i love you."

"it didn't seem like you indicated it, you were deep. but I love you too"

i smiled to myself and ate my breakfast.

"have you seen my phone?" i asked

"out in the car. on the floor." he said, handing me the car key.

i opened the front door and the cold air hit my bare legs and arms. i pressed the unlock button and pulled the door open. my phone was laying on the floor mat.

i clicked it on

2 new messages

an un known number

3:45am
519-302-4943
hey alana?
where'd you go lol, lost you. that's why i got your number first.

mattia. fuck

i clicked off my phone and went back inside. the warm air surrounded me.

"apperantly i gave him my number too." i tossed my phone on the bar and continued eating the breakfast ethan made me.

he jaw clenched again "can i see?"

i clicked on the message and handed him the phone. he nodded and turned it off.

"i blocked him."

"okay."

why?

after we finished breakfast, i changed and decided to go home for some down time. ethan took me back to where the party was and i got my car. he sped away, obviously upset. he had been acting weird after i told him about the kiss and stuff.

it was all my fault