i'll be good // e.d

12. show me what you got

^song : suga suga/baby bash (play when you see #, no repeat)

lana's pov

3:20pm

it had been two days since i last talked to ethan. i still needed time to think. i still don't know how i feel about this. obviously i'm upset that he kept it from me but i can't say i'm pissed at him. it was weird to think that it was him. was that one of the reasons he pushed me away?

it was not his fault. it was jose's fault, god i hated him. he was always getting ryan into trouble. i was never gonna blame ethan for jose's careless mistake. i knew he would think i would. i still didn't know what I was gonna say when i finally go back to talk to him... i just needed time. 

there was a party tonight. i was definitely going. i needed to just forget everything for a little even though i know i shouldn't but that's how i deal with shit. being it was saturday; i was at work. my hair was tighter than normal and it was pulling at my scalp, eager to be left down, to be free and messy later...

i pulled two plates out of the warming window and put my back against the double doors, pushing through them.

"cheese burger with fried onions." i put the plate down in front of the man. he had short grey hair and bright white beard. he smiled up at me

"and the grilled cheese with oranges for the young lady." which I presumed was his granddaughter. she thanked me and grabbed her glass intending to refill her sprite.

i set it back down and the door bell jangled. beth the next on site manager walked in, thirty minutes early.

"hey chickie, you can go." she smiled. i love her. she's so sweet and does so much for me.

"ugh, thank you! there should be enough coffee and water for the rest of the day." i took off my apron and clocked out on the computer behind the counter. 

3:13pm

i was exhausted.. mentally but physically i was about to get lit so it didn't matter

i decided to wait to shower until i got home later. i pulled my aching hair from my bun.

hair can actually hurt and there's no discussion about it.

i unbuttoned my pink blouse and pulled off the tank top i had under. slid off my slacks and dumped all the clothes into the hamper. i looked in the mirror at my body. the bruises were faded. the cuts were all healed but still pale. i hadn't seen daniel in days. it was weird but i wasn't complaining. maybe he finally got the hint.

i changed into a sports bra and some spandex and went back downstairs, looking for something i could make; the options were slim so i settled on a premade salad i had gotten from the store. it had no dressing packed in it so i grabbed the italian from the fridge door.

i pulled the plastic cover off and drizzled the oily liquid over the lettuce.

4:00
me
you going to the party tonight chica?

4:03
Lex
no, i'm at my mom's house this weekend.

4:05
me
damn alright, tell momma nancy I said hi.

4:10
lex
she says hi baby lana.

4:11
me
kisses bitch, see you on monday

4:12
lex
right back atcha

i turned on the tv and set my salad on the coffee table. me and ethan had started 'breaking bad' on netflix together, i was really into and wanted to watch it but it seems wrong to watch it without him.