Maripolite

Untitled Part 10

"Did you have breakfast?"

"Yes, I love your cook if there is any other reason worth staying, its because of the food"

He appreciated that staying was on her mind but not that she was in the same clothes she had worn at the museum he really needed to get her to a mall for some new clothing, she seemed relaxed-looking over the glistening water he could see that she was at peace here it was definitely better than her apartment but he didn't think she would admit it.

She hugged her self tightly, rubbed her arms and turned back to Charles who's attention had been fixed only on her. They smiled at each other warmly when she caught him staring at her and Charles looked over to the water but he could feel her eyes on him, drinking him in but trying not to.

"So can we finish our talk now," 

"We have to" Nathalie answered, "The real question is where we should start?"

Taking a seat beside her he glanced at Nathalie then over the water and took a deep breath and started "I was really upset for a very long time I had no idea that you were still pregnant I just thought that you had left me." He stopped to look into her eyes but still did not take a breath "I know I was very popular and you sometimes felt left out but I told you many times how much I cared for you how much I loved you and I had already committed to you how could you allow my mother to scare you away?" Charles held Nathalie's stare and waited for her to respond.

"I didn't give much thought to your hurt during that moment and for that, I am sorry, how long did you hurt?"

"A very long time" Charles said while breathing this time "I think you made me cry, I pined for you for a long time, stayed away from events, friends, missed classes almost dropped out actually until my mother threatened me and reminded me that you never loved me to begin with because you left. I do not think any woman has ever hurt me like that, I don't think any woman ever could again."

Charles paused "How ironic it is that my mother snapped me out of it by reminding me that you left because you did not love me but she is the one that chased you away in the first place" Charles laughed loudly, then asked, "What did she tell you?"

"She mentioned how rich you were and how much you needed a woman who could understand that you would need many lovers, that the business of business was demanding and caring for a family was left to the maids and house help." Nathalie smiled "she even suggested that I was the help and with women like Caroline our relationship was doomed to fail."

"Caroline, but I promised you it would not and I did not several times I said it why couldn't you just trust me?"

"It just felt so wrong, but thinking about it now I guess I was rash in leaving without talking her comments over with you first I deprived you of a relationship with your daughter and for that, I am truly sorry."

"Not only of a relationship with my daughter but you deprived yourself of a loving husband I had planned to marry you; all dashed I was after you left that I have never married" Charles noticed Nathalie's surprise but continued "You said I did not notice earlier but why did you take off your phone it's as if you disappeared!"

"I did not have the words to explain why this was necessary and I was afraid that you would talk me out of it, you had a way of doing that of convincing me that everything was ok when it wasn't. Your mother would have tortured me if our relationship continued into marriage and a child as she so accurately noticed would have made my life even harder, I was just so scared Charles"

"You should have left my mother and father to me I promised to take care of that its as if my words and promises mean nothing to you"

"But where were you with all your promises frolicking on the field with Caroline, you wanted me to trust you but you were not there for me you were too busy having fun"

"That's not fair," Charles said slightly raising his voice

She instantly pulled back and did not respond he felt the blood run to his face and realized that the conversation was not going as he would have liked, both their emotions were getting high.

She swallowed, bit her lower lip and closed her eyes "I loved you to Charles but I felt that we only spent any real-time together when we had a date night which usually ended in sex then you were busy with class, busy with the football, busy with volunteering, busy with daddies company, so many things kept you busy and I had so much to get of my chest and I just felt that you never really dealt with them"

Nathalie paused "And then I got pregnant and my emotions were lost within me and I needed someone to just help me find a straight line again and I had hoped that that person would be you but it wasn't and I was going to tell you all of this but then your mother at the game and it just threw me deeper into myself and I felt that the only way out was to get out so I left.

I didn't even tell my family that I had dropped out until several weeks later I felt so alone even at school with everyone around it just made sense and I am sorry for hurting you I thought it was the best decision to make at the time. You're angry!"

"I am" he bit his teeth until his jaw tightened "but I am also trying to understand where I went wrong and pushed you away made you feel that running away while pregnant was the best way out. It must have been so hard to be pregnant and on your own; I never knew that your feelings went so deep if I'd known I would have tried harder to do things differently, but I didn't, couldn't and now I just feel guilty for letting it slip, guilty for loosing you but not angry with you, I guess the same way that you feel sorry that you left instead of angry that you had to leave, and I feel that nothing I said makes any sense at all." Charles scooped his face in his hands "I know that I am not making any sense but I'm just trying to put the pieces together of where we were and how we got there, to begin with, it all seems like a giant misunderstanding that cost us both dearly" Charles stopped abruptly.

"What did it cost you, Charles?" 

"It cost me the love of my life and since I paid that cost I have little hope of ever loving that much again. I can easily give you financial security which would then lead to peace of mind but how much harder would it be for me to learn to love again" taking a deep breath he searched her  "Can you teach me to be the way I was?"

Nathalie shook her head and they both sat silently putting the pieces together.

"Have you ever thought to get in contact with me?" 

"I did, just after she was born I thought how much you would have enjoyed being a father. But I was too afraid of what might be so I didn't."

"What about after that?"

"Maybe, sometimes when things got really hard and I got scared or frustrated or couldn't cope. Maybe when I cried myself to sleep because of my debts, or my rent being late or how would me and my daughter survive on the streets but every time it worked itself out I felt more confident that I could do it on my own and my mind sought you out less and less and then no longer for help more the thought of what could've been." holding herself close she leaned back into the pool chair "I have been filled with a lot of those in recent years, what could have been, I never pictured you like this though in my thoughts you were always the friendly rich guy not the genuine 'king of the kingdoms'" he smiled at her image of him and it made him feel relaxed in a way that only she could 

"Well at least you thought of me," Charles said, "I think I have had some of the same thoughts throughout the years, oh my shock at seeing you, it blew me away" shifting his body to face her he asked, "Do you think we can do it again."

"Do what?"

"Date, be a couple, I think we are still young and able-bodied" Charles smiled suggestively; she giggled "what was, was and what is, is. Nothing we can do about it but keep moving forward. I would like to build a relationship with you again Nathalie even if just as friends but I won't lie to you, you're stirring up some feelings that I didn't know I still had the ability to feel, and if as we get to know each other it leads down that road I won't hold my feelings back and I would like to think that you won't either. We owe that to ourselves, to see what could have happened." Charles stopped and looked at how Nathalie frowned her face as she considered his words.

"Ok"

He stood and pulled her out of her seat and into his arms "I know you're a fighter and you have been fighting a long time, but don't fight this it is going to be good for you" He leaned in to kiss her and she turned her head Charles let her go stepped back

"I will think about it"