Atonement - Book Four (Man x Man)

Chapter 4 ( M)

Rest never comes easy to those who don't deserve its comforts. The thought of everything he knew of his bloodline suddenly becoming a lie had shattered any hope of calming his frantic mind enough to rest. Verando lies on the plush bed, surrounded by the scent of his captured betrothed, his eyes searching the vaulted ceiling for answers.

Verando tracks the dust particles as they swirl through the trickling light, shining in from the cracks of the heavy curtains. I always hated absolute darkness; one might appreciate the chance for their own preferences, and yet, here he was, alone in the light for the memory of the displeasure it caused. 

How does one apologize for letting a sibling whisk you away to become a servant? 

He couldn't help but wonder if I was in pain. 

Did I surrender, knowing it would be the safer option if I ever wanted to see him again? 

His mind sunk deeper into the inky darkness, down into the depths of despair that hung like a damp cloak over his every thought. Sometimes, it wasn't the voices at all that ate away at him at night, for even they were allowed to sleep. It was the crippling depression that siphoned on any glimpse of hope or happiness that dare wonder in its path.

It was easy to picture it as a faceless beast, only possessing a mangled snarl for features. He drifted in and out of consciousness as reality began to turn into a dream. The weight of the creature leaning on him, lanky arms wrapped around his shoulders like a vice, seemed all too real. At least this creature could be silent. 

It didn't mock him like the voices did. At times, its body seemed to weigh as much as the planet, making breathing difficult.

 Alone in the darkness, he could hardly stand, trying to shoulder the pressure. Light peeked in through the darkness, glimpsing him a narrow path of bright footsteps. Dragging the lazy creature, listening to the metallic screeching of its mangled body on the floor, all he could do was chase the light.

These dreams could last for an eternity. He was chasing something he could not catch, dealing with this beast who lurked beneath the carefully calculated surface. In times like these, it was easy to be caught off guard or give in to the looming comfort of unjustifiable sadness. He trips and falls, lying there on the blackness of the floor, resting his cheek on the cool surface as the beast sighs with him. 

Rest, don't try, and don't push on. Why bother?

 The light seemed so far away. He supposed he should be grateful; it could be worse- a nightmare. A moment here wouldn't hurt; at least then, he could rest. Suddenly, the world began to feel lighter, as if the weight had been lifted. Slowly, he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, a set of shoes beside him. 

"If you're looking for someone, he's not home." He exhales, why is he talking to these dream people? What if they start answering? No one has anything intelligent to say here. 

"So this is what you dream up? The way you wake up screaming, I always thought it was something truly horrific. This is just... really depressing." The familiar voice makes him look up in disbelief as I stand before him. 

His heart jumps, yet he remains grounded.

 Don't get excited; this isn't real. 

He rocks back to kneel, watching me, scanning me as if to memorize every inch of my person. 

"Real funny," Verando mutters to the dark creature who stands beside them like a lumbering reaper, head tilted to one side. The creature shrugs, I shudder at the reality of what plagued this man in the depths of his mind. This was the darkness, the sadness that followed him wherever he went.