Atonement - Book Four (Man x Man)

Chapter 20

I didn't expect this to hurt me so deeply, I replay the words over and over in my head and I expect betrayal to play in my mind or anger at his ability to continue to pick the wrong choice, and yet, all I can feel is the loss. He gives me time to process, he doesn't seem too thrilled about it, either, truthfully.

 I search the table for answers, my inhibitions are shelved and I feel like I have a true glimpse at myself. I must love him because everything else falls away and all I can focus on is the reality; he belongs to a criminal organization?

"How?" I ask. 

"When I was younger my family needed work. I did it on the side after I married Marisol-" He deflates, relaxing back into the booth in a slouch that I don't often see from him. "Everything comes with a cost and unfortunately, my debt is rather high. The Mafia is like a family, it was a dream job then. Kato must have  passed on the verbal contract." 

"Verbal?" A small glimmer of hope. "Then it's not a real contract? How can they hold you to a verbal contract?"

Verando glances up, his eyes lock on me. "It doesn't work that way, Nic. It's very real to them and they aren't going to let an asset go just like that. I don't know how they found out unless somene from my past is here as well, which frankly it seems all of Spain has been relocated to this place. Reguardless, Mr. Balan is not your typical mob boss, they operate on a justice system. It's more insurance than anything else."

 I think back to the large man's words.

 "Everything is a business to him, he wants to remain in business, he wants to see us succeed. As long as both of those things happen, it's not an issue."

I recollect our conversations. "You were suppose to retire after this." I point out. I can hear it so clearly.

 He closes his eyes for a moment and straightens. 

"Not quite going to happen this time around, I'm afraid." 

Does this change things? Does this change how I feel about him? About this situation? I could walk away from him, no more fearing for our lives in the same aspect of these shady characters and live the life of luxury I was promised. But, I do have a hesitation. Something keeps me glued here, my concern for him, my inner self that so badly wants to break out of this broken shell. "What if I buy them out? How much is a life worth?"

"They don't want your money. Not at my value, not with my attachments. We had to do some crappy stuff to find you, Nic. I-" He thinks over his next words and I wonder why he's being so forthcoming but, I suppose he's laying it all out for me. This is what I apparently wanted, right? I wanted to know everything he knew, everything he kept to himself. 

"I've bonded the alliance to the Strigoi coven. Natassa, or Mother as you may know her, is at the ready to send reinforcements should we need them in the fight against your sister. But, in exchange, I owe her a debt as well."

 I had wondered about his lip, it slowly starts to come together. I cautiously reach over and warn him with my eyes not to move. I brush my thumb over the healed scar, trying not to linger on his full lower lip. 

"She was in a relationship with my grandfather, it was quite the spectacle." 

"How did you get the scar?" He grimaces and I settle back in my seat, unsure as to why this is bothering me so much. "Undead bitch. You always did have a great face, of course, she should want to mark it." I notice the wounded expression and roll my eyes. "Oh come on, are you really going to be sensitive about a comment like that?" 

I never knew him to care much about what people thought of him; as if I know him much at all at this point. Besides, I want to talk more about this secondary debt.