Atonement - Book Four (Man x Man)

Chapter 28

I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the quiet breathing of the man next to me. I had insisted on helping him scrub the soot off his body, a small reminder of my time as his servant. I don't want to start over again, I don't want to warm back up to him when he's already charmed his way so close to me. 

Every time I'm away from him, seeing him again brings back the vision of my tormentor so fresh to my mind. Will it always be like this? Will I ever get past this? I turn onto my side, he's keeping his distance from me which I appreciate and resent.

In the moonlight drifting into the room, I can see his eyes are closed though he's angled towards the door. He's left his undershorts on, I squirm in my pajamas to get closer to him. Cautiously touching his chest, I trace a finger down the cooler scars that track over his chest. I have to figure this out, for the fairness of both of us, to stop this curse in its tracks. 

With no help from the book, I feel completely useless as to what to do. Perhaps if Loan was here he could help but really, would he want to? He was never a Verando fan. 

Unable to sleep, I lay here and memorize the differences. How many nights did I wake up and find him staring at me in the same way? I often wondered how he managed and yet now, I completely understand. It's a longing, a want to make things right. 

I drift, in and out of sleep, in and out of my dreams. I'm tormented with the horrors of being brutally forced into submission by the charmed version of my warlord and courted by the sweeter, kinder version that is here with me. Corina is smarter than I give her credit for, she must have known I wouldn't go down without a fight. 

When I wake up I feel as though I've hardly slept and I'm surprised to see he's gone. I stretch, climbing out of the bed to get dressed. My body feels heavy, almost aching with the tension I carried all night. As I head down the hallway, I hear talking and I see that my group is in the diner around one of the larger tables. "Late night?" Tomas teases with a wink. 

I wish. "Mmmm.. not now Tomas. I haven't had my coffee." 

"'Fraid it's just brunch tea at this point, love." My warlord hands me a cup and I wrinkle my nose at him. 

"Brunch? How proper." I sit down heavily and take a sip, it's not bad. I'm not much of a tea drinker. "What're we talking about?" I ask through a yawn, accepting the plate that Reid sets down in front of me. I cross one leg over the other, folding myself into as small of a person as I can in this chair surrounded by men. I stab a strawberry with my fork and chew thoughtfully.

 No meat. Good boy, Reid.

Tomas shoves half a biscuit in his mouth and points to the paperwork I provided last night. "That's a ledger." He garbles around the biscuit, swallowing and downing a mouthful of some awful smelling drink. "Good job gettin' that from Acer. I'm surprised he gave it up."

 I shrug, full of modesty. If only they knew. 

"This shows recent shipments of medical supplies goin' to a town not far from here, of the magic type no doubt." 

I snatch the page and look it over. "Medical supplies?"

"Potions from a mistress near Austria. She use to send a lot of the junk to King Taryek."

 I stare at Verando as Tomas speaks, he looks back at me knowing. Taryek had become powerful enough, as an elf, to control a crystal dragon. 

"Where is this?" I ask, firmly.

"Three or so days?" Tomas guesses. 

I shove out of my chair but my warlord puts his hand firmly on my shoulder and puts me back down.