Mithril - Kili x reader (english version)

Chapter 6

1st person POV - Kíli

I was standing in the entry to the watchtowers on the Ravenhill and searched with my eyes for Thorin, Balin and Fíli, but I couldn't spot any of them immediatly. Then I heard the voice of an orc from directly above me. The voice of Bolg.

"This one dies first. Then the brother." I looked up and saw Bolg with Fíli in capture.

"Then you, Oakenshield. You will die last." Fíli screamed something. We should flee. In the next moment I closed my eyes and then heard a thud. When I opened my eyes, my brother lay in the snow. Dead. I screamed silently. That's not true! It's not true! I slapped my hand in front of my face and cried again. This time I cried out loud. I screamed and screamed. And then I woke up.

I lay in my bead, shaking and still saw Fíli's face in front of my eyes. His dead eyes, staring at me. And again, I wondered if the fall really would have killed him. Would he live, if he had the Mithrilshirt instead of me? Could it have saved him? Was his death my fault? I stood up and put a shirt on. I wandered around in the Erebor for a long time, 'til I sat down in the garden and stared in the sky despairingly. I had probably woken Thorin, because he had insisted to have his sleeping room near mine, after my screams once echoed through the whole mountain. The morning after that all the dwarves wondered if I fought against a bunch of orcs in the night without waking them up. What I did not know was, that I had screamed very loud this night too. I had this dream periodically, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. Sometimes I didn't even open my eyes and then I screamed not as loud as normally, but whimpered. Always without tears. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. What would Bilbo and (y/n) think? Did I wake them up? I put my face in one hand and shivered. If I would stay outside any longer I would get a cold, but I didn't care. I didn't care if I would get sick. The cold wind stroke through my hair and whispered. Again and again I thought I had heard something. Always the same.

"Kíli... How could you...? Brother... You murdered me...!" I put my hands in front of my ears, but the voice was in my head. I couldn't lock it out. Again I whimpered and when the voice got louder, I screamed.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Fíli..." the last words only where a whisper. Then I got up and inside. Only when I felt the cold stone of the mountain under my feet, I realised that I was barefooted. I went into the library and curled up on the couch, where I fell asleep again, but restlessly.