Every Broken Part (Series)

Chapter Five.

Chapter Four.

D E V I N

My bones were aching as I dug the shovel into the ground once again. My arms felt as if they were about to fall off as I threw the extra dirt behind me. I looked up at the night sky above me as I took a steady breath. I closed my eyes, hearing the cries in the forest beside me. Ryker was still unconscious, his eyes screwed shut in pain. I wasn't sure how he was going to come back from this. This could very well be the death of him. Jax was sitting beside him, his head in his hands. If anyone could know what was running through Ryker's head in this moment, it was Jax.

"You don't have to do that right now."

I jumped as Graizen appeared behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders. I didn't acknowledge him as I dug the shovel into the hard dirt. The dirt flew behind me, no doubt hitting Graizen standing right in its path.

"Thia, now isn't the time for this."

Once again, I didn't oblige to a single word he was saying.

"Thia." He growled out, throwing the shovel into a tree beside me. The wood splintered into the air as I looked at him with wide eyes. As my eyes fell on his, he coughed out a sob. I suddenly realized exactly what he meant as I ran into his arms. He needed me. His head fell into my chest, as he fell to his knees. I fell with him, holding him in my arms as I stroked his hair. His head was resting in my lap, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I leaned down, kissing his forehead as he continued to cry into me. This was one of the few moments Graizen has allowed himself to cry in front of me. I have no doubt I'm the only person who's ever seen him like this.

"I left her." His voice was hoarse. "I told her to go, to get to safety. I should've never left her. I should've stayed with her I-"

"No!" I shook my head, pulling his body up so it was level with mine. "Don't let those thoughts control you. There isn't anything any of us could've done."

"But there is, Thia." Graizen put his hands on either side of my face. "I left her."

"I was with her, when she died."

Graizen's eyes widened as these words escaped my lips. He caught a tear that fell from my face with his finger, as he quickly brushed it away. Countless more came after that as I rested my head into the warmth of his neck.

"I was fighting her, trying to get out of the elevator doors. To get to you."

Graizen didn't say a word. He only let me speak as he tightened his hold around me.

"I noticed the burns on her arms, and she told me she was fine. She said she was fine, so I didn't think to do anything. I didn't think. I was only focused on getting to you, I wasn't even worried about her. She died right after the doors closed, after I stopped fighting her. She died and I couldn't save her."

I uncovered the wound on my arm that had already completely healed. The only thing left from it was the dried blood. I sobbed as I clung onto Graizen's chest. I held onto him as tight as my arms would let me. Ryker lost his children, and his link. He lost everything, all because I was too caught up in my own problems.

"So, if you're going to put the blame on anyone. Put it on me."

Graizen got up from the ground in an instant, running towards the cabin. I stared into the woods in defeat as I imagined the thoughts running through his head. He blames me too, I know it. I know it because I blame every part of myself. If I had just paid attention, she'd still be here. I could've stopped this. Graizen reappeared beside me, with two more shovels in his hands.

"Where are all of these shovels coming from?"

I almost found the energy inside of me to laugh. The feeling quickly went away.

"This isn't the first loss we've experienced."

I didn't say a word as I took one of the shovels from him. We sat in silence, digging out a big enough space for her body to fill. Every second I let my thoughts veer off, panic began to set inside of me. Our home was gone. The survivors left of Donum were sitting around the cabin, scattered in the forest. They were all grieving.

"You know I left Jax alone. The night after we thought Freya died."

I lifted my head up at his words. Graizen never talked about that night. It's a part of him that he keeps locked up inside. My eyes remained on him as he stared at the grave we dug out.

"I could've stopped it, the death of our parents. It was all because I left him alone."

My lips parted as he dropped the shovel in his hands. I went to him, pressing my lips against his. He kissed me back with an undeniable hunger running through him. I could feel his pain, his fears, his deepest regrets. I could feel everything inside of him as his lips traced mine. This was what both of us needed right now. This was the only way we could ever heal from the tremendous loss our city experienced tonight.

"I need you right now." Graizen was breathless as he pulled his lips from mine. "All of you."

His tone stirred something inside of me as I tugged at his hair. I craved what he wanted more than anything right now. I needed him just as much as he needed me. His hands slid up my shirt and along my back as my eyes looked up into the stars shining above us. A sob escaped my body as Graizen instantly pulled his body away from mine. His eyes were clouded with worry as I held my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry." I covered my eyes, trying to force the tears back in. The grief I was experiencing right now was unlike any other. When I lost my mother, I felt more numb than anything else. With this loss, it was like every emotion was running through me. My brain was exploding, my mind in a haze.

"I know." Graizen pulled me against him. "I know."

He did know. He knew loss more than any person I had ever met. I nodded into his chest as something inside of me clicked. Everything about him was suddenly making sense to me. It was if I were blind this whole time, but now I can finally see.

"I don't want to have kids, Graizen."

Graizen let out a painful breath as he placed a kiss onto my forehead. His silence was the only thing I wanted in this moment as he held me in his arms. In this world that we lived in, kids were not an option. I don't know if they ever would be.

"You keep digging." I handed him the shovel. "I'm going to check on Jax and Ryker."

Graizen placed a single kiss onto my forehead as I walked back over to the cabin. The woods were growing darker and darker as the night went on. We'd have to find shelter soon. Almost everyone had gone into the cabin. It pained me to realize what was left of the population of Donum could fit into a small cabin in the woods. I don't even think I counted more than twenty people who stayed in the woods with us. The rest of the survivors ran off once they made it above ground, abandoning what was left of their city. Part of me doesn't blame them. We all have suffered tonight, more than some have in their whole lifetime. There wasn't exactly a Donum to go back to. My mouth fell open as my eyes found Jax on the ground. He was passed out, his neck twisted in an inhumane way. I picked him up from the ground, wildly shaking his body in place. His eyes snapped open as his neck cracked back into place. Jax coughed wildly, groaning out in pain.

"F-Find him."