Don't Panic (Jalex)

Bitchard The Third Wheel

Content Warnings:
- excessive drinking
- mean words targeted at smol baby Richard
- sex (written by Sexy-Emo-Ostrich)

The setting sun paints the sky a deep crimson, much like the color of blood. The damned apocalypse ruined the beauty of sunsets for ever. No more purple and orange.

Alex already raiding the alcohol stash and was currently going for the record of Most Drinks Without Alcohol Poisoning. He's also throwing rocks into the water, attempting to skip them, but it's not going well.
All he's managed to do so far is drop a few large rocks off the docks and piss off a previously sleeping Richard. The octopus is now watching the drunk man warily as Alex stumbles around the beach, muttering to himself.

"So stupid!" Alex yells as he tosses a small rock into the ocean. The waves are too big for skipping, but Alex doesn't notice or care. "Fucking dumb!"

He stumbles away from the docks and onto the sand, tripping over a rock and barely managing to regain his balance before face planting on the beach. He kicks the rock he just tripped over, and then bounces around on what foot as it shoots a sharp pain up his leg. He licks the rock again, stupidly, and then hurls it into the ocean.

Richard lets out a deep sigh as Alex chugs another beer. It's then that Alex throws the now empty can into the ocean, only for Richard to throw it back. Even mutant octopi don't want garbage in their homes.

The octopus grumbles nonsense under his breath, but drunk Alex is pretty sure he heard the word "dickhole." Then Richard swims a bit further away, seconds before Alex hurls a rock at the place where Richard was originally swimming.

"YOU KNOW WHAT, BITCHARD, I THINK YOU HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM!" Alex shouts, watching the slightly blurry purple octopus roll it's giant yellow eyes.

Alex grabs another rock from the ground is just about to throw it when-

"Alex?"

The drunk man drops the rock and stumbles in surprise, tripping over a beer van and almost landing in the ocean. If not for Jack, Alex may have gone swimming in his skinny jeans, which is never a good idea.

"I'm so sorry, Lex! I didn't mean to-" He stops talking, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees Alex's face. "Are you drunk?" He asks, knowing the answer already.
"Jus' a little bit," Alex slurs. He pulls his arm out of Jack's grasp and walks over to an ice chest full of beer. "Wha's it matter t'you anyways? 'S not like we're together."

Jack flinches at the last sentence. He had hoped... well, maybe that was a little too much to hope for after everything that's happened.

"D'you want one?" Alex asks, holding out a can and tearing Jack away from his thoughts.
Jack thinks for a moment, but takes the can with a quick thank you. He then drinks it as fast as he can and asks for another.

Jack knows he just enabling Alex at this point, but that's a problem for another day. Jack needs this. Drinking's always been easier. Especially now.

Alex watches blankly before moving to sit down in the sand, staring out at the stars in the now dark sky.
Richard is peeking out from beneath the waves, wondering why Alex has stopped throwing rocks. When he sees a stranger, he rises from beneath the water, towering over the two men with a glowing yellow glare.

The half drunk man with glasses and skunk hair looks up in terror, thinking his last moments will be spent broken up with the only man he's ever really loved. He drops the half empty beer can onto the floor, causing Alex to look over.
"It's jus'- jus' Richard," Alex hiccups. He's unfazed by the monster glaring at Jack, which leads Jack to assume the monster is mostly harmless. He takes a seat next to Alex after grabbing another beer.