Don't Panic (Jalex)

ELLEN??!?!!!1!?!!?

Content Warning:
-Fake science
-Mild violence
-Bad driving

They drive along the freeway, unsure of what else to do. The airport canceled their flight and half the radio stations are down. None of them really speak, but Zack finally finds a working station.

"... at 2:06 pm today, our planet was attacked by an alien race. The sky has now turned red and a blue gas seems to have- h-ha-v-e" the woman on the radio begins to scream and Zack turns the volume down as fast as he can. The car swerves, scaring all the passengers.

The station goes dead and Zack groans, changing the station several more times.

Jack spends his time staring blankly out the window and wondering how the fuck this could possibly happen. Is it a sign from god? Does god really hate the gays?
Why now?
Why this specific tour?

He thinks about the box he hid in his luggage for a while until he sees something out of the ordinary. "Holy shit!" He exclaims, sitting straight up.
"What?" Alex looks over, concerned. He unbuckles his seat belt and scoots closer to Jack to get a better look at what Jack is seeing.

"Was that..."
"What?" Alex repeats.
"There's another one!"
"What the hell are you-" Alex freezes when he finally sees it. "Is that a-"

The car swerves and Jack barely manages to grab Alex's arm before he gets thrown into the opposite car door. They all turn to look at the front of the car to see a reanimated corpse on the windshield.

"Zombie," Zack breathes.

Rian hits the gas and the zombie flies off the front window, spreading blood across the glass and making Alex feel sick. The zombie's arm gets caught on the windshield wipers and waves in the wind like a flag made of dead skin.

".... blue gas released by the aliens who have attacked our planet seems to be turning people into zombies," says a woman on the radio who sounds scarily like Ellen DeGeneres. "However, many seem to be immune. Scientists are looking into why at this very moment. So far, it's unknown if the virus is spread the same way as we've seen in movies."

"RIAN LOOK OUT FOR THAT ROBOT!" Alex screams from the backseat, still clinging to Jack.

Rian barely manages to not crash into the giant mechanical foot that stomped directly in front of them. It seems to be scanning the city as it stomps down the freeway. Rian then hits the brakes before they can spin out of control.
The robot turns to scan their car. It stares at them for a few seconds and a blue light shines on them before the robot blinks and then stomps away.

They all take a few seconds to breathe before Rian hits the gas and drives forward.

Zack turns up the volume of the radio as the newscaster who sounds like Ellen says she's going to interview one of the scientists who has been studying the latest phenomenon.

"Dr. Warren," says Ellen, "please tell us about the discovery you've made."
"Well," says a man's voice, "after taking into account the reports of those who were turned into, well, zombies, it seems as though those who are immune are part of the LGBT community."
"Doctor, could you please explain what that means?"
"I suppose it means my boyfriend and I can finally get married without my mother throwing a bitch fit," Dr. Warren laughs.
"Can you say that on the radio?"
"Who cares? It's the apocalypse."
The newscaster laughs.

"Well," she says, "has anyone been able to communicate with the aliens?"
"Linguistic specialists are attempting to translate the messages we have received as we speak. However, this could take days, weeks, or even months to decipher and form a response. However, it does seem as though the aliens have ceased attack and the zombie virus is not spreading via bite."
"And what about the people who have turned already?"
"While it's certainly a tragedy," says the scientist, "I'm afraid that finding a cure is not high on our priority list. The zombies appear to be nonviolent and experience no brain activity. These zombies will most likely not cause too many issues other than being a bit of a pest.
"It is definitely sad though. I have many straight friends and knowing they are now essentially brain dead is heartbreaking. But I'd like to look at the bright side and-"

Zack turns off the radio. "Ri...."
"I know," Rian says, cutting him off.

Alex opens his mouth to speak but Rian cuts him off.
"Zack and I are together."
"Woah, woah, woah," Jack says. "You can't just become gay."
Zack shakes his head. "How long's it been?" He asks Rian. "Four years?"
"And you just never said anything?" Alex asks.
"You guys aren't the best at secrets," Rian explains.
"We would be if you told us!" Jack argues.
Alex cringes. "Actually Jack, I totally get why they didn't tell you."
Jack gasps dramatically. "You're supposed to be on my side!"
Alex shrugs. "Yeah, well maybe if you didn't drink so much you wouldn't have been so handsy in Straight To DVD."
Rian nods in agreement. "Yeah and then when we deleted the worst scenes you then told basically everyone about all the deleted scenes on twitter when you were drunk."
"And then when Alex tried to play it off as a joke on twitter, you got drunk again three months later and said you and Alex had 'beautiful sex again'." Zack explains.
"Yep, and when I played that off as a joke, you got drunk again and told everyone we were together. Again." Alex laughs, shaking his head. "We have to talk about your little drinking problem."
"I don't have a drinking problem!" Jack protests.
The rest of the guys make a few different faces, not really arguing, but not really agreeing either.

"So why didn't you tell Alex?" Jack asks, changing the subject.
"I get drunk and just cry about all of life's problems on the floor," Alex says nonchalantly. "I'm surprised you didn't know that since I've been living with you since we graduated."

The band goes silent, the only sound now the rumble of the engine as they drive along, unsure of where they're going.
Finally, Jack breaks the silence.

"So what now?" He asks, not expecting an answer.
No one really knows how to respond anyway.

"We could go on a road trip," Rian offers, but it sounds more like a question than an answer.

"A road trip?" Alex echoes. "Are you bloody insane?" His accent is beginning to show through.
"Your British is showing," Jack says.
"Shut the hell up!" Alex yells in the same accent. He turns back to Rian. "Half our friends are dead, and you want to go on a bloody fucking road trip!? Are you mental."
Zack shrugs. "I mean what are we gonna do? We're a bunch of musicians, not superheroes."
Alex shakes his head. "Do you know how fucked up this is? 'All our friends are zombies? Oh, I know, let's go on vacation!' Are you fucking shitting me, Ri?"
"Alex," Jack warns.
"I'm serious!" Alex exclaims, ignoring Jack, "What the fuck are you thinking?"
"Fuck, Alex, I don't know!" Rian yells as he hits the brakes on the car. "Yeah, it's shitty we lost a bunch of our friends. It sucks, and honestly I wanna pretend the whole thing isn't happening. We're prepared for a tour and I don't wanna go home. So yeah, let's go on a fucking road trip."

Alex opens his mouth to speak, but he has nothing to say. He sighs. "You know what, that sounds better than worrying about something that can't be helped." He looks at Jack. "What do you think?"

Jack looks like he's been caught in a trap as his boyfriend and Rian look at him expectantly. Zack looks vaguely uncomfortable, knowing he's next.

"I, uh, I think we should go," Jack says. "We could clear our minds and then figure something else out when we're in a better head space."

They all look at Zack.
He looks at them. "Uh..."

Rian raises an eyebrow at Zack's lack of response.

"Let's go," Zack says finally. "Road trip."
Rian nods, starting the car again. "Road trip it is."

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