The Ashen Raven's Treason

Chapter 9

I freeze, my body tightening in all the places I'm so used to it responding to my command.

All this time I spent with Cloak, learning of his past and his ways, laughing with him about the silliest of things, protecting him from what others can't defend against—I never once pictured us as anything more than support beams to lean on. Surely, there were times I looked at him and wondered if there was anything he saw in me, or if I cared to know him more than a friend. He has always been more than the Panjandrum Corps' fearless leader that hides his face behind a cloak and kills without regret.

My father's stories gave me the wrong idea when I came into this palace months ago. He kissed me once, underneath the stars, but that had been a drunken mistake on his part. And I let it happen. Now, he's not drunk, and he's kissing me. My eyes flutter closed—the only action I can control. The first kiss is over before I can taste it, but Cloak drags on the second, inhaling sharply against my lips and pulling his head back, taking me with him.

My hands remain where they were when he froze me without a lick of magic. Wrapped around his forearms, now clenched tight to keep from falling. Cloak's hand grapples onto my hip, pulling me against him. He kisses hard, like the thoughts going through his mind need reprieve and this is the only way for him to get that. I don't understand the blossoming in my chest, my weak knees, the realization that I don't want this to stop.

Then it does.

Cloak pulls away, only far enough to rest his forehead against mine. My ears pound. He flashes his fangs in hatred for himself and a deep growl rumbles loose from his chest. I can't calm my breathing and my racing thoughts. This is the man that killed my husband, claimed my life wasn't worth living moments after we met. This is Cloak. He has trained me, strengthened me, given me a home and pays for my brother's potions and treatments, even if they don't work. All of this without asking for anything in return.

What I offer him doesn't mount to what he has done for me, for my family. He put in a good word for Chaska when the other workers were having second thoughts about a woman joining their crew. Theoden's shop didn't come about without the prince and his coin purse.

We're safe because Cloak needs me here. And I haven't realized just how much I have needed him.

I bring my hands to his jaw, barely grazing that hard plane with my fingertips, and kiss him slowly. I feel Cloak's hand tighten on my back, in tune with my heart fluttering. The fire inside Cloak's chest controls his movements, and he kisses me harder like what I give isn't enough to quench his thirst. He has waited for this moment and doesn't wish to waste it.

Just one night. The fire dims, snowflakes building against the window to trap us within his chambers, Lyndel standing on the other side of the door. He's completely oblivious to what is happening, same as me. I taste the bitter spirits on his tongue and slide my arm around his neck, pressing into him further.

A deep moan rumbles through me, not from my own throat but from Cloak's, and he draws himself further against me, the tight hand pressed against my back gripping onto my hip to gather the fabric of my dress into his fist. His free hand slides into my hair, past the sharp tip of my ear. Cloak rocks against me, hips pressing hard into my own.

I hope, more than anything, that he is considering the same thing as me. That one night together wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to happen. Though I never expected it to happen, I never thought Cloak would stoop this low, I want nothing more.

Just as I gather my senses and steady my hands around the highest button on his coat, Cloak pries himself away, practically pushing me off. I stumble back.

"No, no, no, no, no," Cloak says shakily.

"What's wrong?" I pant.

Cloak leans over the side of his bed, pressing his palms onto the mattress, and takes a deep breath to clear his lungs. I can hardly hear his voice through the pounding of my own heart in my ears. "I shouldn't turn to you as I do with other women; that is not your purpose." I rub at my arms, trying to shake the chill that has dropped over me. Moments ago, I had known nothing other than his warmth. "You are a healer meant to aide me through these difficult times. Taking you to bed solves neither of our problems."