Beyond Horizons

F is for Fuckery

After that night Arya kept coming to my room to sleep with me on my bed. We only sleep though. I have a single bed and that meant we have to be super close to each other. And as much as I enjoy her company it also bugged me because of my hormones. She is dangerously close to my body. I had been holding my libido in. I can't just rip her pajamas off and have my way with her.

I am not a pervert. And to mention again, I have a girlfriend who has a severe heart disease.

I was thankful this week though because everyone is busy with all their school works. A major exam coming meant papers and projects are due soon. This also  meant that Arya will be extra busy and will not be able to come to my room to share my bed.

Don't get me wrong, it does excite me when she comes but it also makes me aware how much of an ass I am for giving a thought about developing feelings for her. I want to be a good person and make sure that I stay away from her. I am so powerless when it comes to her.

Since the first time we shared my bed, Arya insisted that we sit together in classes we both have. This meant that we can sneak and hold hands even when class is going on. Those touches usually sent shivers and tingles all over my body. My thoughts and feelings were in a jumble because of her. I needed to stop this nonsense.

I need to make sure I don't hurt anybody. Damn. I can't even breathe right whenever I think of Jen's condition. She is getting worse.

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FLASHBACK

Jen Calling...

Hey

I sensed that Jen isn't the one on the other line. I knew that the moment I answered the call because I usually get an overly joyous greeting from her before I could say anything.

Uhmm. Is this Zayne? A cute girl's voice said on the other line.

Ohh. Yeah.  It's Zayne. Who is this please? Why is Jen's phone with you?
I asked her. I have a bad feeling about everything.

This is Red her classmate. She wanted me to call you. We are in the hospital. She has been admitted yesterday because of an attack. I was too busy to even notice that she hadn't called. I felt helpless knowing that I am too faraway to help her.

Oh. Okay. Is she better now? What can I do to help? Should I send you money? Damn. How can I even think of another woman when my girlfriend is sick?

Her condition is serious. The doctor said that she has to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks so that they will be able to monitor her. Man. I feel really bad about all these things.

Ohhhh. So, I cannot really go there. I have a lot of things lined up both in school and in work. However, I can send money so that you could buy her fruits and things that could make her happy. I should really be a better girlfriend to Jen. I really want out of our relationship but I cannot just hurt her knowing that she has a serious near death heart condition.

Okay. You can send it to me. I can buy her food and fruits. I'll tell her how much you care and love her. She is fighting her sickness for you. Her words gripped me. Why am I so heartless? Why can't I give Jen the love that she truly deserves?

The call ended and cried my heart out. What have I put myself into? I need to be fair to Jen. I need to cut ties with Arya.

END OF FLASHBACK

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I needed to talk to Arya. But, dude I can't even begin to tell her that I want to end our friendship or whatever you call it that is going on between us.

I have decided to ignore her presence entirely. I have to make sure that I don't fall for her if I haven't fallen for her yet.

I went inside our classroom. I immediately went to sit beside Samira. The class started and I diligently took down notes. I did not dare look behind me because I knew that Arya sat on the seat at the back of mine.

Someone is throwing daggers towards us. Samira whispered to me.

W-what? Where? Seriously?  I whispered back at Samira.

The girl who keeps your bed warm? Damn. I knew who she meant.

Ms. Enrique and Ms. Bautista, care to tell the class what you have been talk about? Our professor asked. Damn.

I just eyed Samira.

We just talked about the dynamics of a good public speaking. Zayne is clarifying something Sir. Sorry to disrupt your discussion. Samira reasoned out. She is such a good student.

Instead of whispering we decided to pass notes instead.

You owe me for that explanation. -S

Thank u my beautiful savior! - Z

Seriously. What is going on with Arya? -S

uhmm. she has no idea that I'm taken. -Z

what?! she acts like ur gf. -S

I have no idea why I haven't told her yet. -Z

You should talk to her. That's unfair. -S

I plan to but I have no guts. -Z

No guts. No glory^_^  -S

With the ring of the bell our class ended. Our conversation also ended. I waited on Samira so that I know Arya would go ahead.

Samira and I ate our snacks together. We sat talked about all things that are bothering me including Jen's condition. I also told her of my cousin barraging me with messages about Jen. My cousin who is now based in Singapore is my girlfriend's best friend. She wanted to make sure that I check on my girlfriend.

I am worried about Arya but my guilt is eating me up. I cannot be with her when I know that we are actually doing what couples are doing. I hate to admit that I am developing serious feelings towards her and it is not helping my situation.

After our talk Samira and I needed to go separate ways. I needed to go to the library to borrow books for my research paper and Sam has a class she needed to attend.

I went to the library and checked out the books that I needed. I heard someone crying in the dark part of the library. People seldom go there. It is near the archives section of the library. This person must be really hurt. I did not mean to pry but the crying got to me, since, the sound resembles that of a woman. I just have to help the person or at least lend her my hanky.

I went near her and behold I saw a broken girl sitting with her face covered with her knees. She is shaking as she wept like a person with so much anguish. Damn. Whoever hurt her I will kill.

Hey. Uhm. I have a hanky you can use. Sorry if I am disturbing you.

The person looked up and I saw beautiful eyes so big full of sadness. Her identity registering in my mind. I'll be damned. It is Arya.