a life in words

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in all honesty I never thought I'd live to see 20,

I know it seems young,

like 2 decades feels like a month under the sun,

but you see at 17 I no longer wanted to breathe,

and at 18 I was still hoping somehow oxygen would just escape from me,

at 19 I was slowly learning to run towards the sun,

but there were days I couldn't even walk,

let alone run,

and somehow we're here,

where I've stayed living and breathing for 20 years,

and even though I still think yellow is a color I hide behind,

to not let the world see the gray that lines my eyes,

and even though razor blades still scatter the floor,

they, at least, don't tell me how to live anymore,

and maybe by 21 I'll have this "living" thing figured out,

but for now I'll still twirl in the rain,

trying to learn to celebrate these two decades.

-E