a life in words

the things i'd say

there is just so much you don't know,

and i know i should tell you,

and explain my heart,

but you see the thing is, 

i cannot even form the words,

for my own head to understand the beats of my heart, 

because if i could form the words, 

and look you in the eyes, 

i would, 

i hope you at least know that, 

but the way our sentences end in sharp periods lately, 

and not the exciting exclamation marks,

you know, like how they all used to, 

and the way you can never fully meet my gaze, 

your eyes flutter too far up, 

or too far down, 

or on the worst days, 

not in my direction at all, 

it makes me think maybe you don't get it at all, 

that maybe somehow you've forgotten all the hard conversations, 

and the tears when words were too hard, 

and the awkward hugs and smiles, 

and all the times we kept fighting for there to be an "us,"

be that just friends, 

or something more, 

but now it is slowly turning into a "what once was,"

and damn it i don't want you to only be a story i tell my daughter one day, 

when she meets a guy as good as you too,

i want to tell her that we fought for what we have, 

and maybe you live right next door, 

or maybe you're the one who changed my last name, 

but i don't care how we get there, 

as long as you're still a part of the story, 

because my least favorite part of any story is when someone leaves, 

so please don't be the reason there are tear stains on page 253, 

when there is still so much story left untold.