The silent Orphan girl! (Under construction)

Chapter 13: Shades of a mirror

Noah's P.O.V:
I woke up to the sunlight shining on my face, at first I got scared but then I felt that someone was nearby, looking over to the bed end I see Ryder sitting there and twisting something in his hand. I close my eyes again, hoping to get a imagine of my parents in my head, just one little glimpse of there whole faces, but there is just two half finished faces.. It looks like a drawing that you have spilled some water on and the color have started to vanished, it has spreed into an bigger spot and it's like you look through some mist to try to see what's on the other side, but you can't. So I give up. Signing I turn around and Ryder stands up really fast.

"I'm sorry, I just liked the sign of you sleeping." He says quickly and I tried to smile but the fake smile falls of my lips just seconds after it appeared. Ryder walks around the bed and takes a seat beside me, I crawl up a bit and then lays my head against his side, he then puts his arm around me before talking.

"Tell me what's wrong." He whispers and I close my eyes to get some courage, before sadly whispering,

"My parents faces.." I look up on Ryder and study him, he looks concentrated and after a while he meet my eyes.

"What's with them?" He asks and I look down on my hands, to afraid to look at him, what if he judge me? I don't want him to, I like him..

"I can't remember them.. They are blurry it's like a mist is in between me and my memories of my parents, like someone have taken the memories away, stolen them from me.. I can see some parts but the rest is.. It doesn't exist, they are completely gone.." I can't find any better words to explain it with. The warmth from Ryders arm is spreading into my body and I signs. Ryder hugs me tighter to his body and I look down on my hands and then clear my throat.

"Ryder?" I ask in a whisperer and I can feel how he turn his head toward me and he whisperers a small yes with his strong and a little raspy voice. I wet my lips with my tongue before speaking my thoughts.

"What if we a just characters from books? I mean what if we all just are main characters in each book, if someone have already written our lives and how we all will die someday? That when nobody read our book it becomes night for us, that we just live an already planed life and there is already decided how and when we will die.." I look down on my shaking hands and then starts to speak again. " What if the dead of my parents was already decided, everything in small details. What if it was meant to be that I couldn't save them and that I have to see there bloody bodies before I got trapped in the burning house? What if there was just a mistake that I survived.. What if I was supposed to die with my parents that day..?" I get quiet when Ryder get still before quickly holding me tighter to his body. I close my eyes and wait for him to say something.

"It was an accident that night. I can't believe that anyone would have wanted to kill you. And Noah?" I nod my head as an answer and Ryder caresses my back while I lean forward to lay my head against my knees. "You couldn't have saved them, you where a little girl." He says and I feel some tears roll down my cheeks before I stand up and walks over to my bathroom.

"Can you please leave me alone?" I ask quietly and I can hear Ryder stand up and then walk over to the door where he stops for a while.

"I'm downstairs with your foster-brothers if you want something." He says before leaving and shutting the door behind him. I close and locks the door to the bathroom before sliding down the door and letting the tears I kept inside me fall toward the floor, letting them freely fall. I drag my legs up and closer to my body. Letting my arms slowly wrap themselves around my stomach I hold on to it, trying to push all those pieces of me together, keeping them on their places for just some seconds, I want to be whole.. I don't want this big hole in my chest screaming to me that I'm not like the others, that I never will be, cause I'm completely broken, crashed into pieces because of an lost family, a dead one. I cry so much that everything is blurry, I'm blinded by my own sadness.