chills. | cody bellinger

[ thirteen : real life ]

cody walks into my room. i turn to him a bit confused.

"hey kid." i say getting up and giving him a hug. he hugs back lightly.

"are you okay cody?"

"yeah, i just really wanted to see you." he says eyes refusing to meet mine.

"uh codes. we saw each other yesterday?" i laugh softly.

"yeah. i know. can we go out and do something. i feel dull." he admits.

"sure! just let me finish this up and we can go for a little walk in the city." cody smiles happily.

--

after finishing my article we decided to go around to be touristy for the day.

after visiting all the attractions we ended up going to a small restaurant and bar place by his condo.

"don't drink too much!" i laugh as cody takes down another beer.

"i've only had five relaxxx" he slurs. i giggle at his inability to take down more than three and already get tipsy.

the night rolls on and we're actually having a really great time. for whatever reason tonight feels different. it's like my body can tell something is going to happen that will throw me into a whirlwind. but even then, i feel so happy just being here with cody having a great time with my best friend.

"hey do you wanna get out of here and go walk around the city?" i ask, starting to get too much in my head.

"yeahhh sureee one more though" he giggles. i nod and he just takes down another and then throws his arm around me while we walk out the door of the restaurant.

we walk along the side walk laughing our heads off at every little thing. i smile at him like a total idiot but i catch myself before he notices. no, i can't.

"we should take the long way home sadesss" he slurs another time. i nod and carry half his weight on myself. we keep walking and then we stop by a small shop.

"i need a break." i say leaning him against the wall and stepping away from him. he smiles and then i feel his stare on me while i turn around to catch my breath.

"what? is there something on my clothes?" i ask looking all around myself like a dog chases its tail.

he snickers and then says "no, no you don't have anything on you." he smiles and then says something under his breath.

"what'd you say?" i wonder. he looks up a little frazzled. "i lo- oh uh i said i am ready to keep going home now." my brain doesn't register the words he held on until we start walking towards his condo again. we make it to the door and i pull out his keys and lead him to his kitchen.

"i'm going to get you some water." i say as he sits down at the island and puts his head down.

did he really just almost say what i thought he was going to say? he couldn't have. there's no way. i try to shake it out of my head but the thought won't budge.

i pour the water into a glass and slide it over to him. i pour one for myself, then i open the sliding door and step outside into the cool air.

i lean up against the railing of the balcony trying to get some clarity. after a few minutes i hear heavy foot steps behind me.

"what are you thinking about?" cody asks.

"life." i say.

"so descriptive." he chuckles. i smile and giggle at my vagueness.

"just thinking about how much i've been able to accomplish since i started working with corey. i've gotten so much from it. my career is doing so well, i met people that i absolutely adore. it's just a bit surreal." i ramble.

"i love it." he smiles. my heart skips a beat when i hear the first two words. i need to control myself. i can't mess things up right now. this could derail me. deem me unprofessional and irresponsible. i need to stop feeling this.

cody notices my concern, "whats wrong sades?" i look at him, the concern in his eyes. the change in his demeanor. he's genuinely worried.

"oh uh it's nothing. promise." i look at him reassuringly. silence falls upon us. nothing but the bustling of the city in front of us.

"sadie?" he breaks the silence.

"yeah?" i answer.

"do you ever think about the future?" he questions.

"well, yeah of course. why do you ask?"

"what do you see when you think of your future?" caught off guard i begin to wonder.

i see him. i see him, work, success but mostly i see him and i. oh crap.

"um, i see my family, my friends, work, success, and you of course." i look down over the balcony as i finish my sentence scared to see his reaction.

"i see you in my future too." he says. i smile softly to myself.

"i'm glad. i can't imagine you'd be able to be without me." i joke. he chuckles.

silence falls upon us again. i take a deep breath of the fresh air and breathe out. i gaze at him from the corner of my eye. i notice my carelessness.

i place my hand on his shoulder, "i'm gonna start heading home codes. i hope you're feeling better." i say as i begin walking back into the house.

i feel his hand grasp my arm and pull back towards him. our foreheads pressed against each other. his hand on the small of my back, my hands placed neatly on his chest, his other hand holding my right hand so tightly. we're both breathing heavily. chills run up and down my spine.

"sadie, you can't lie to me and tell me you don't feel this too because i know you do. " he says his eyes staring into mine deeply.

i feel my eyes water.

"oh cody," i sigh, "i love you too." i declare.

he smiles so big and leans down into me pressing his lips against mine. his hands moving up to grip my face, pushing me deeper into him. my hands move up along with his and in this moment, everything else around us melts away.