In the prison of LOVE (loving beyond)

Chapter 12

Ryouta's

I've always thought... That love.. Was something tender, sweet, and affectionate. However, after what happened to my family.. I realized, that was only a plausible delusion.
Loving someone feels just like some sort of violence, tearing you into pieces. Coming to love someone is like creating a part of myself with the softest and thinnest skin. Just a simple touch could make my temperature high. If they sink their claws in a bit, they can easily tear me up. And if they intentionally squeeze my hand tightly, that would be fatal for me.

In short, when it comes to that fucking word, “love”.. I was too fragile. And I know to myself that I have already many cracks.. Or rather, I'm already broken in the inside. It wasn't easy to bring yourself back up after a total destruction, It would take a very long time and effort to at least bring the pieces back together. Although being perfectly fixed and move on is impossible, since the cracks will be there forever.

The moment I stepped inside the town I resented for so long, memories.. Awful memories came flooding inside my head. I felt dizzy and sick at the same time. I didn't want to come here, but her death anniversary was today.. I thought, if I came and visit her grave, maybe she might at least cut me some slack and refrain from haunting me whether I'm awake or asleep.

I took a deep breath with tightly closed eyes before walking inside the town. I become agitated and anxious. I started to look around me more than usual, my eyes darting around as if trying to look for a suspicious person nearby. I just walked around and went straight to the cemetery of our family, it was a hidden part of the town, you have to follow the seashore all the way to the back of the hill and then walk towards the peak of the hill.

When I arrived there, I felt... Nothing. I didn't feel the longing nor the sadness. I just stared at the two cold grave stones infront of me. I swear I did not feel anything.. But then.. My eyes are growing hot, I felt my vision become blurry as the warm liquid trickled my face. I didn't even noticed it until I felt my self choked from the suppressed sob within my throat.
I felt my hands and legs shaking as I knelt down and gripped my clothing across my chest, thinking that maybe it will help me breath more properly. The wind was strong, the sky was gray and I felt shiver from my spine. It was cold, as cold as the tombstone staring back at me. I didn't say a word. I just found myself kneeling there, infront of them, crying my heart out without knowing the reason why.

Was it anger that I felt? Was it displeasure? Hatred? I don't think so..
Alam ko sa sarili ko kung bakit.. Pero ayokong aminin.
Na nagtatampo ako. Yung feeling na parang sobrang unfair naman yata. My father never gave me the slightest affection I deserved being his son, my mother blamed me so much and hated me just because of a man who was never inlove with her in the first place.
I never felt the real love and affection that a son with parents should atleast feel. the feeling of prejudice, anger, hatred and displeasure that was piled up inside me burst. I wasn't able to keep it together because I was inside the town that is literally a nightmare for me. Because I was infront of them. I am not the most perfect person nor son in the world, but At least, I thought that I atleast deserved that fondness and love from others.. Most specially my parents.. I thought back then, at least.

After an entire hour, I was able to control my sudden breakdown and stopped the fucking liquids from falling again. I stared at the names on the stones again.
I stood up and dusted my pants off before glowering at them. I turned around and took a deep breath. My nerves are on their peak. I can't calm down and I tense up by mere rustling sounds. I don't want to face any human being at this time as well. I just want to go to a place where I'm alone without anyone there to disturb or talk to me. I silently watched the water below the hill and trying to think on what I am supposed to do next.
Should I go directly to my place and lock my self up? Bu then My brother would go bangin' at my door once more.
Staying in a hotel is probably not the best decision as well, aside from my brother could track my cards.. It's too expensive.

I looked across the seashore and saw the biggest house in this town, built just above the rocks on the side of the hill across the ocean.
It was the Mansion of the Misaki family. Totally abandoned, I thought the public officials have bought it already and turned to a suite or lodging or something.
I'm surprised it was the same lonely and dark place as always.
That moment, I started to walk down the hill, as quite as possible and I walked at the seashore to avoid people.
The waves are quite strong because of the humid weather.
I was looking at the sea while walking slowly, trying to ignore the world, the people, everything.

At that very moment, I was halfway towards the hill when a shout echoed.
"RYOUTA!!" The voice shouted.
My eyes widened and my head spun automatically to look to the person who shouted my name.
My eyes widened even more when I realized who it was.

Yuuki's

As soon as I entered the town, I started to look for Ryou. The town was beautiful, it really is. I started to drive around the town to look for Ryou but I can't find him. No matter how hard I'm trying, I just can't find him.. Did he leave the town? Did he went somewhere else? Fuck this..

I'm starting to get worried to I went and asked around.
An old woman directed me to where the mansion of the Misaki's is. I started the engine once more and drove my way towards the mansion.
I was driving in full speed but I stepped on the break full force that I was almost thrown out through the windshield. I turned to the reason I stepped on my break in a rush, he was walking slowly at the seashore, watching the waves as he hugged himself. He looks so distant from the world.

I rushed down my car and leaned forward to the raling of the road I almost tripped over and fall down the shore.
"RYOUTA!!"

I saw him flinch and spun his head to look at me. He looked surprised... And scared.
When I jumped off the railings and run down the stairs  he stepped backwards. I was surprised from his reaction so I paused for a while. When I decided to walk towards him again, he suddenly turned around and started running away from me.
I was shocked once more that I wasn't able to react on time. When I realized what's happening, he was already far.
I gritted my teeth hard and started sprinting after him.
"RYOUTA!! STOOOP!!" I growled on the top of my lungs.

I saw him hesitate but he still run faster. I clicked my tongue and increased my speed. "Ryouta!!" I shouted again and again but he won't stop so I closed my eyes and run with all my might.
"Ryouta!! Wait!! I said wait!!" I shouted once more.
I was able to grab his hand when it swayed towards his back but he pulled it back with force as if he was burned from the contact.

"Please! Just let me talk to you!!" I said.
I know he can hear me. We are huffing and puffing, we're both tired from running so I thought he'd just stop and let me.
But he pushed me to the side and started walking.
"Let's talk some other time." He whispered. I almost didn't hear what he said since it's too low. I grabbed him again hut he flailed and got off my grip.
I was about to reach once more when he suddenly shoved me hard.
"Stay away!!" He shouted and started running once more.

I gripped my hands and gritted my teeth as I watch his running figure going farther and farther away.
"Damn it" I cursed before I run after him. This time, I run with all I have and reached out, grabbing his waist and pulling him towards me as we rolled on the white sand. I landed on top of him while he was catching his breath underneath me.
That sight sent shivers from my spine and I found myself staring at him like a hungry man. He was catching his breath while gripping tightly on my shirt, as if he lost all the energy in his body. I literally eye raped him, taking in every detail of his beautiful face. His light gold pupils, his long, thick, double eyelashes, his pointed nose, his red sexy lips.. Even his curly blond hair that dances smoothly with the wind..

He was about to flail and push me away from him but I can't help it any longer so I bent down, drawing my face near his as I crashed my lips on his soft sweet ones.

To be continued...