In the prison of LOVE (loving beyond)

Chapter 7

Ryouta woke up the next day, he looked around and saw that he was lying on his bed.
He saw the person sleeping next to him.
He was surprised but he calmed down immediately.
He stared at the peaceful Yuuki sleeping next to him.
He intently locked his gaze on him, as if memorizing every single detail about Yuuki's face, then he smiled bitterly and moved slowly to get off of the bed.

He silently walked away, he opened the door before turning back to glance at Yuuki, then he went out.
He went to the kitchen to find something to prepare for breakfast.
While rummaging through the contents of the fridge, his mind was somewhere else.

He knew to himself that he's being attached to Yuuki emotionally as days goes by. But then, Ryouta being Ryouta, he doesn't want to acknowledge his feelings for him. Of course he knew, that one day, Yuuki might find someone better after he moved on from this. Ryouta thinks, Yuuki is being this close to him because of all the people around him, Ryouta was the one who knew what he's going through and the one who stood by him.
That's why, Ryouta doesn't want to be attached to Yuuki More than he already is.

The reason why people don't act honestly is because they are afraid. If they start being honest, they are afraid of facing the cold, harsh truth of reality.
Ryouta thought, I'm still scared. If I acknowledge this love, what will I do when we part? When he decides to love someone else? When he realize that he just wanted to be with me out of gratitude? What will I do if I feel so hurt that I want to die? Then it's better not to accept anyone right from the start..
He thought as he slammed the fridge close.

He started to cook when he heard rushed footsteps coming towards his direction.
He then felt someone gripped his shoulder and turned him around.
He met Yuuki's worried and annoyed gaze, then he decided to look away instead.
Yuuki slapped his palm on Ryouta's forehead before frowning.
"Are you an idiot? You still have a fever, why the heck are you here?" Sabi niya.

Ryouta slapped his hand away from his forehead before sighing..
"I'm fine. I'm not that weak to stay in bed just because of a mere fever." Sabi ni Ryouta bago ipinagpatuloy ang ginagawa niya.

After a long while of silence, Ryouta thought Yuuki finally left but he was shocked when a voice, with a mixture of caution and concern, sounded behind him.
".. Do you always have a nightmare?" Yuuki asked in a low voice.

After recovering from the shock he got from the sudden question, he silently continued slicing the ingredients he needed.
"Often.. But this past few days.. It has been haunting me every single night.. I hated it. But I wasn't and can't do anything about it" sabi ni Ryouta.

Yuuki bit his lips to stop his urge to hug him.
Ryouta has been helping him a lot lately and he admitted, even just staying beside him has helped Yuuki accept that His special one is gone.. And that he was able to move on positively.. He was too focused on his own mischief that he wasn't even able to help Ryouta at all.

They silently ate breakfast before Yuuki left Ryouta. He even told him he won't be able to see him for a while since he had to prepare for the performance.
When he left, he entered his house and slumped on the floor.
When he was with ryouta, he couldn't help but to be focused on him, think about him, give his attention to him. But now that he's alone, reality has strucked him frozen again..

The day of Ritsu's birthday, was the day that Youjin committed suicide. It was the day, Yuuki decided not to play music ever again, the day he lost all reasons to continue living full of happiness.
Yuuki glanced at the calendar coldly hanging on one of the walls.
Three days to go.. He wasn't ready.. This time, every year, he felt depression and loneliness on their highest peak. He shook his head, I'm not lonely.. He thought.