Soft Side

Chapter fourty-five

The sun began to set over the hospital as my eyes stayed locked on the same incubator in front of me. I hadn't moved in a couple of days since Harry had left for the tour and refused to. I couldn't risk leaving my baby girl on her own and something happening, it didn't seem fair to me. Becky had gone to work this morning, needing to go to a meeting as I nodded, telling her that I'd be where she left me.

As she look walked back through the door, I don't think she realised I meant literally. A mug sat on the table beside me, still full from the coffee the nurse had brought to me at lunch time. It was stone cold and untouched. My hair was still in the same messy ponytail from two days ago and my outfit remained the same. I couldn't bring myself to take two steps away from the small baby before me, simply only taking one to "stretch my legs".

The respiratory support had been removed now and she was now breathing on her own again, still needing help with feeding through the tube since she was still so small. I hum softly to her, the tune of twinkle twinkle leaving my lips as I smile slightly to her, a sad smile.

Becky sighed softly, walking over and touching my shoulder softly. No movement came from my head but the sound of my humming stopped. "I brought you a coffee" she says softly, placing the takeaway cup on the table beside me. Nothing. "How's she getting on?" She says softly, taking a seat beside me as I shake my head.

"No different to yesterday, progress is still slow but it will be until she's big enough to leave" I say quietly, offering a sad and barely there smile to my best friend. Becky sighed softly, looking at me as I stay focused on my baby.

"You haven't slept" she states as I shrug softly, allowing the gesture to tell her everything she needed to know. "You also haven't moved Soph" she says quietly as I shrug again, never loosing sight of the baby before me. "Let me take you back home to have a change of scenery" she says softly as I shake my head quickly. My head turned to look at her with tears filling my eyes.

"We can't leave her Becky, you know I can't do that" I whimper as she sighs.

"I've called Anne, she's on her way, she won't be on her own" she says softly as I continue shaking my head quickly. Anne walked through the door with a sad smile on her face.

"Soph, I raised Harry and Gemma" she says softly with a sad smile. "I promise you if anything changes, or any new occurs or anything I will call you" she says softly as my eyes fill with tears again. "What would Harry want you to do" she whispers, holding my hands gently as I look at the baby beside me.

"Have some time" I whisper as I grab my bag. "I'm showering and changing then coming straight back" I sigh shakily as Becky nods. I slip my arms into my coat, walking back over to Ariella and touching her cheek gently. Her small body moving at the familiar touch as I hug Anne gently. This was the hardest thing I had ever done.

~~~~~~~

I arrived at the flat with Becky, my fingers clutching at my phone to check it for the twenty-sixth time in fifteen minutes. I hated that I hadn't heard anything from Anne. Was she okay? Becky had been so reassuring on the drive. My eyes had stayed focused on the world outside as she would hold my hand and tell me it would all be okay. My greatest friend.

Becky sighed softly, pushing the door open to reveal the flat I remembered too well. Except this time it was silent. There was no Harry running around after me with a loud laugh, there was no love playing on the television for me and Becky watch, there just wasn't anything. I sigh softly, walking through the house slowly as my fingers touched the walls gently. When I'd had a baby I was supposed to be bringing them home to spend their life, not coming home briefly while they lay in hospital.

I step out of the shower after standing in there for twenty minutes, motionless and staring at the white tiled wall in front of me. I slide the towel around my body, drying myself before slipping on some fresh clothes. This being a pair of thick black tights and a grey ribbed top skater dress. I sigh softly, sliding on some ballet flats and sitting on the bed. I unlock my phone, opening the photo of Harry holding Ariella, tears pricking my eyes. I missed him more than ever at a time like this.

The door opened to show Becky stood in the frame, her eyes sad as she sees my eyes brimming with tears. "Come on, lets get you some blankets so you can sleep in the chair beside her and get you back" she says softly, holding her hand out. I take it quietly, walking to her room with her where the blankets were kept in the airing cupboard.

The tears fell. There in her bedroom was a cot, a changing table and a rocking chair. The walls were painted grey with clouds like I'd shown her while I was pregnant and everything was perfect. "Becky you're room" I whisper as she smiles widely at me.

"I've moved all of my stuff to Louis', he has a spare bedroom" she nods as I wipe my eyes, touching the cot gently and looking out of the window. "You need to be a family with Harry" she says softly as I turn to face her face with my eyes teary but happy.

"You're the best Becky" I say softly as she nods with a smile, hugging me tightly.

"It's no problem" she says softly, "now let's go and find this little princess" she smiles as I almost run to the door, grabbing my bag as I walked by it. We made her way to the car, climbing in as I smile softly to her. "I wasn't at work, I was here finishing this" she smiles as I sigh happily.

"You're the best Auntie ever" I say softly as she beams at me, pulling back into the hospital and heading back to the room with me. There she was. My baby, the way I had left her. Anne had a smile on her face at the smile on mine, her face happy. I grab my phone, FaceTiming Harry to explain everything to him and show him his baby again. In the same place he had left her.

"So she's going okay?" He smiles as I nod happily. "I'm so glad, I miss you both so much, I've been miserable" he says softly as Niall piped up in the background, telling me how he cried at a concert last night. Harry's face went red, smiling at the floor as I smile softly.

"I've got a visitor" I smile, Harry confused as I move across the room, sitting beside Anne as she smiles and waves at him. "Nanny came to visit while I went to the flat with Becky, our flat" I say softly as he grins.

"Hey mum!" He calls as he waves at her. Harry beamed, saying his goodbyes since he needed to go for anything show. I walked Harry back to Ariella, a smile on his lips as he blows a kiss towards her, the baby moving at the sound of Harry's voice.

"She's recognising you're voice" I whisper as he beams, his eyes tearing up as he speaks to her again, telling her 'daddy loves you' and 'daddy will be home soon' with a grin. I blow him a kiss goodbye, waving to him with a grin as he repeats my actions. "I love you" I say softly as he smiles softly at me;

"I love you too" he whispers.