Random thoughts and poems

Poem- Him/I'm not ok

There's a rope that ties my wrists, bound by live ain't know way out of this, I try to move on... But the rope is just too strong, and I know that I was wrong, but around him all my rationality is gone, so here I am, writing this, with him in my mind, it makes me blind, to all the rational decisions. I feel like a ball of ice, in a kingdom of fire,  Does he love me back?  Or is he a liar? I don't know, and I think about it often... With him, my entire demeanor softens... It makes my heart sore, do I even know who i am anymore? How many demons can I conjure? I'm tearing at my soul, trying to figure it out... I'm so confused, I just wanna shout! I wanna say all the things I keep buried inside, that I'm nit okay, I don't even feel alive! I don't know what is wrong or right... All this confusion is blurring my sight, I just need a little light, cuz I'm list and I'm just not alright! I keep this stuff in my mind, locked up tight... Am I crazy or what? I guess I just can't heal this cut, its too deep for me to see what causing it all, what is the center of the reason for my great fall?  Is it him? My visions way too dim... What am I doing? Who am I hurting? Am I turning my back in all that I stand for? Or do I just need something more? I can't see through the pain, I'm driving myself insane.... I'm just really nit okay.