A Small Change of Heart | Boyf riends BMC |

chapter 10

Michael's Mother's and I have paid for the surgery, I've visited him everyday and today is the day of his surgery, I walk into his room and he's listening to Bob Marley, I walk over and pause it and he turns his head "JEREMY!" He smiles, I smile and hug him, I have a bad feeling but I usher it away.
He pulls me into a kiss and I Glady return it "Excited for your surgery...?" I say with a smile. "Not really..." Something's off... "Micha is something wrong...?" I say worried, "..if I tell you you'll be scared...scared of what will happen..." I pull him close "Micha...I won't ...just tell me please..."
He sighs a Shakey breath.
"They'res a 30% I might die if the surgery goes wrong...and if it does there won't be a way to bring me back..."

....I tear up, I'm in shock. "M..Micha...I...I promise nothing w..will happen...-" he cuts me off "but what if I do die Jeremy?! What would you do?! I'd be abandoning you!"
I look at him "...I...I'd cry...a...a..lot.." I don't know what to say, I clentch his hand tightly and look at him. "We're just the losers, who keep waiting to be seen...right? Well...death is a way for someone to be seen...you've always said you hated people making fun of me, well if I'm dead they can't really cause that'd be rude...right?...death gives someone meaning...like that one...Connor kid..."

I can't believe what I'm hearing, hes not afraid to die, I look him in the eye. The doctor walks in "excuse me, it's time for the surgery, you must leave the room" I don't want to leave but...
I look at Michael and give him a scared smile.

I leave the room.

• • •

I sit in the waiting room of the hospital..it's been about 3 hours..? I see people rushing in and our of an emergency room, I overhear  "he's losing blood! Quickly!!!" I sink down into my chair, hoping it's not him...begging it's not him.

I sigh as I scroll through Tumblr once more, I feel my anxiety prickle at my brain, I look around and panic, I put my phone and and everything seems dizzy, j take a couple deep breaths and I calm down.

• • •

It's been about another hour, I'm done waiting! I want to see him...I want to see him so badly..I..

A doctor walks over to me "we've got good news and some bad news..." They say with a slight guilt. "W...what's the good news..?" I say with a shakey breath, "good news...is that the surgery went well..." "And the bad news..?"

She gives a Shakey sigh "...he died after we finished..I'm so sorry-" I feel hot tears run down my cheeks "n..no no no! He's not dead HE IS NOT DEAD!" I scream and run towards his room, she runs after me. I open the door and run over to Michael...he's got bandages on his head and chest, I look over at the machine...it's true

"MICHAEL! MICHAEL NO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..!" I sob and sob, clentching his hand tightly. "MICHAEL NO...NO NO..." I hug him tightly, I continue to sob, I lose my breath and cough harshly, I'm dizzy and everything is spinning, I fall to my knees sobbing, I've lost him... 'I'VE LOST THE ONLY PERSON IVE EVER  TRULY FUCKING LOVED!' I scream to myself, I choke as I sob into Michael's body. The nurse's run in and grab me and try to pull me away, I push them and run over to him "NO NO NO!" I continue to just sob...

Everything goes blurry and I pass out...