Desolation

Chapter Five

LANDON

I still can't believe she agreed to come with me. The way I see it is this can go one of two ways, bad...or really terrible . You should always expect the worst in life; That should be everyone's mentality. Otherwise you feel things like rejection or heartache and I don't have time for dumb shit like that.

As we walk to my car, I can't help but notice pieces her hair blowing in the wind, it's majestic the way it reflects against the sunlight. A scent of her shampoo hits me in the face, Lavender or vanilla, I can't tell. Honestly, I wish she would just wear her hair down; it would look so much better that way. You can tell she doesn't like her curly hair since she always just throws it up.

"After you" I say holding open the door. She rolls her eyes at me and i instantly feel anger take over my body, but it's also mixed with another feeling I'm not use to. What do they call them butterflies?  Her smart mouth and eye rolling is really going to be the death of me.

As I get in the car I notice she is fidgeting with something, so she must be nervous. After all, I am somewhat of a stranger, I could be a serial killer for all she knows. I laugh to myself thinking about it.

"So where are we going?" she asks

I really didn't have a plan in mind, I would love to just sit and talk with her. Figure out who she is, and why she's been on my mind.

"Back to my house... my parents aren't home, so I figured we could hang out there"

"So you live with your parents and your how old?"
She looks at me and laughs

"Twenty four, how old are you?"

"Twenty." She says...

"Well are you living on your own?" I gripe back

"Nope, I live with my mother too." She says and turns toward the window.
So she must not have her life completely figured out yet. I sure as hell don't have mine figured out.

When we pull up to my house, i realize once again how cookie cutter it looks. A two story red brick house with a black roof. The landscaping close to perfect, even in the dead of winter. My mother has a green thumb I guess.
The porch wraps around the side and has a big swing and matching rocking chairs. Pretty much as close as you can get to the perfect middle class home.

"Well this is it!" I say opening the car door

She looks over at me, rolls her eyes
That eye rolling...

JOSIE

His house is cute, well his parents' house anyway. As soon as you walk in the foyer there are family pictures covering the walls. Lots of churchy things too, so his family must really be religious. There is also a faint smell of apples, a sweet smell, so inviting and warm. It feels homey.

"Do you want to sit down?" he asks, pointing to a brown leather couch.

"Sure" I say

It's quiet, but I actually don't feel awkward for once. I'm nervous, which is why I can't stop picking at my fingers. I haven't "hung out" with a boy in years, especially one I'm not super fond of, which is weird in itself.

"So tell me Josie" he pauses. I love when he calls me that. "What's your story?"

He looks me deep in the eyes possessing my soul.

"I don't have one really" I say looking down at my hands nervously. Why would he ask me that?

"Oh come on, everyone has a story." He says

I feel the heat from my body light up as he inches closer to me.

"Well okay..." I look up at him and instantly lose my train of thought; does he have green eyes or blue? They suck me in like quicksand and I forget everything I was going to say. I hate him and what he does to my mind.

"Josie...I can see the pain in your eyes. It's a familiar pain that I know all too well. I'm not stupid you know."

Tears start to fill my eyes and I can't stop them... He continues on.

"The thoughts that I have, the thoughts that race through my mind...are dark. I wish death upon myself every single day." he pauses and looks down at his feet

Does he really feel that way?

"I know everyone is going to die someday, but here I am twenty-four years old and I'm just living this bull shit life being sad and pissed every day. My parents wanted me to become a preacher like my father, but how can you expect that from someone who doesn't even believe in a god, much less a heaven?"

I'm speechless.

"Are you happy Josie?" he finally asks

Tears take over again as I try and muster up some words.

"No, I'm not happy Landon; I don't think I've ever been happy. My whole life has consisted of crying and hating myself, it's exhausting and it's too much to handle most days."

"I can feel your pain Josie; I feel it in my bones. I can see the depths of darkness in your eyes."

Is he serious? He brushes his thumb over one of my wrists

"Did you do this?" he says looking at the scars beneath my tattoos

"Yes...I..." I say, sounding like a weak piece of shit.

But before i can say anything else, our bodies react in a way that's almost instinct. His mouth meets mine and I welcome it. All of the pain we both share pours out as our tongues intertwine. He pulls me closer and bites my lip sucking it slowly making me want so much more. His hands cupping my face as he tortures me with long wet kisses. Time stops and in this moment, it's just me and Landon.