Dolce

Epilogue

Hiro.

Finally, after five years. I can finally say that I'm totally okay now. I'm now a successful Pilot, single but still pursuing my dreams. Without her.

What I meant by her. I do not mean Sophia because I'm pertaining to Dolce.

Well, it really sucks running away from everything without solving it. I admit, I'm a coward. I'm not proud, I'm just accepting the fact that I really am.

How about I tell you a story five years ago about my fucked up life and how I ran away from everything because of my cowardice?

Five years ago, I was a famous jock known by his looks, physique and high intelligence. Not to brag but everyone who knew me adored me. Because aside from being an intelligent-handsome-jock. I was also known because of my bravery.

Why? Well, eight years ago. I have a long time girlfriend named Sophia. I can tell she's really one of the best, sweetest, caring--perfect woman I've ever met in my entire life. But I was wrong though, she wasn't perfect at all. I guess no one's really perfect. She was diagnosed with a rare disease even before she became mine. I only knew about her condition when she died.

Nung una, hindi ako naniwalang 'yun ang kinamatay n'ya. I was putting all the blame to the person who caused my Dear Sophia to suffer from an injury because of a car accident. I knew all along that it was impossible to die from a minor injury yet I still chose to believe in that mindset. I was dumb, I became dumb that time. And I hate myself and the person who caused the accident. But of course, I pretended to be strong even when I'm not. I even put a façade so people won't see my sad face. If they only knew how miserable my life was when she was gone. After three years, finally, I managed to move on.

And I thought it was the end. The end of my agony and pain. Until she came into the picture. Dolce.

She made my life complicated, yet bitter-sweet. Akala ko nung una isa lang s'ya sa mga fangirls ko. Pero akala lang pala. Who would thought that she has a crush on me and who would thought that I would do the same. No, I do not only have a crush on her. To be honest, I already love her that time. It was so sudden...and unexpected. But I guess that's how love works?

It's really hard sorting out my feelings especially when everything's a mess. After five and a half months of knowing her, I knew that I already love her. She confessed, and so I did but not in a direct way. I'm ready. Ready to be with her until Psalm, who happened to be my best friend and also Sophia's half brother chatted me about Sophia. It was hell for me. Realizing that I almost forgot her. And then, bigla ko nalang naalala 'yung prinomise ko sa kanya bago s'ya mamatay.

"I promise, babe. Hinding hindi ako magmamahal ng ibang babae bukod sa'yo because you will ALWAYS be in my heart and no one can replace that." She insisted that I shouldn't promise something like that but I chose to push through because I'm confident. So confident that I didn't realize that I'm falling for someone already named Dolce.

How can I not? When Dolce mostly reminds me of Sophia. I felt like she was her reincarnation, but I knew I was just being delusional. Kaya napatanong ako sa sarili ko. Do I really love Dolce? Or I just love the fact that Sophia reminds me of her? Dahil sa isipan na 'yun mas lalong naging magulo ang buhay ko. I guess, everyone's right. People who excel most in academics are dumb in making decisions in life. I'm the living proof. Because I'm a dumb decision maker.

My mind says, leave while my heart says, stay.

If there's one thing I would regret doing that will be leaving without saying anything. I left my school, my friends, my awards, my name, and my heart just because of my fucking past. Dapat nalang pala sinundan ko nalang ang puso ko. I chose my past over present and that was the dumbest decision I've ever made in my entire life.

After one year of leaving and restarting, walang araw na hindi ako napapatanong sa sarili ko. What would happen if I pursued her? Masaya kaya kami? Katulad ba kami ng mga sweet na magkasintahan na matatag ang pundasyon? Bakit hindi ko kinuha 'yung chance para magsimula kasama s'ya? Bakit mas pinili ko ang nakaraan? Bakit ko ba s'ya sinisi? Bakit hindi ako humingi ng closure? Kamusta na kaya s'ya? Is she doing fine? May boyfriend na kaya s'ya? Are..are they married happily? And too many questions to ask even I myself can't answer.

Pero kahit naman ganoon ay ipinagpatuloy ko parin ang buhay ko lalo na ng malaman kong sila na pala. Of all people, why him? Bakit si Wren pa? How? I felt betrayed, when in fact I shouldn't be. Because first and foremost, it's all my fault kung bakit napunta s'ya sa iba. At ang malala ay sa matalik na kaibigan ko pa. It's because I didn't took the risk and the chances. Because I chose to ran away. And fuck, I hate myself for that.

And hey, everything said is all in the past now. I think I should focus on the present.

Here I am, sitting in a rounded table with Thomas and friends without Wren. Because Wren is with Dolce, and they're in the middle, doing a surprised proposal. Both Dolce and Wren are teary eyed because of overwhelming happiness.

Naka-focus lang ang mata ko sa dalawa at malungkot na napangiti. Binyag ang dapat na ginaganap ngayon pero naging proposal na dahil sa pasabog nila.

"So, Hiro pare! It's been so long since nagkakasama tayo ng kompleto! Nga pala, how are you doing now?" Saglit akong napalingon kay Thomas ngayon na ngiting ngiti sa akin, ibang iba na ang mukha n'ya mula sa Thomas na nakilala ko noon. Ang dati n'yang baby face ay matured na pati ang pag-iisip n'ya.

"Will you marry me?" The man questioned the woman who's now in shock in a good way because of the sudden proposal. Without hesitation, she said yes and then the couple kissed like there's no tomorrow. Everyone in the room cheered for them, except for me.

"Hiro?" Thomas seemingly repeated as if waking me up from reality.

"I'm fine, Pare," I smiled. Lie. You're not fine at all. You're just putting a façade again. Seems like history's repeating itself.

Seeing them two got their happily ever after made me sulk in agony again. I know it's not their fault. It was mine. But I couldn't help it.

Napangiti na lamang ako ng mapait. I'm okay, but it doesn't mean I already moved on. What I meant by okay is that my life is doing fine, physically at least.

Love is Dolce. But too much sweetness can kill you that's why it's dangerous. That's what I thought, the reason why I ran away. Because I'm afraid that too much love is dangerous, too much sweetness can be poisonous and destructive. But I guess running away from Dolce is more dangerous.

I didn't expect that I will fall into the path of misery and bitterness whilst running away. That's my life without Dolce, bitter and will never be better.

Too late.

I can never have her again.

Fin.