I thought and thought about what it was I could do, but I was not motivated to do anything. I just wanted to sleep — to escape life. Unfortunately, though, sleep has been a struggle for me. Maybe it was the lost kidney, I don't know. But sleep was off the table.
So, I cried. And I cried. And I cried. And I cried. Eventually, though, there were no more tears to shed. My sadness turned into loneliness, and, eventually, I realized I needed to talk to someone — anyone — about my pain.
It took another week for me to step out of my house, but eventually I managed enough confidence to step into the gym...and step out 5 seconds later. I wasn't ready.
"No," I told myself, as I heard the clinging of the wind chimes as I closed the front door behind me. "I have to do this."
I turned back around, walked to the lady at the front, showed her my gym ID, and walked up the stairs to the treadmill room. Normally, I'd lift some weights, but I wasn't feeling that motivated. I looked at the treadmills parallel to each other on the striped blue carpeted floor that sat beneath them. I stepped on one of the treadmills, set the speed, put on my earbuds and began running.
Now, I never actually listened to music. I had earbuds for the sole purpose of pretending to make phone calls to people. It was genius. No one would ever know I wasn't talking to anyone. I would pretend to have an argument but speak just quiet enough as to not draw in attention. So, I began running.
"No, that doesn't make sense! Why would you—"
I would pause to hear the imaginary response.
A little louder. "No! Stop it. That's not even true. Don't tell me those lies. Both you and I know it!"
A Pause.
Still louder. "Okay, you know what? Screw you!"
Brief pause.
"Don't call me again. Lose this number." That was too loud.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Um, could you please quiet down." A soft voice spoke. Startled, I turned around.
"Uhhhh," I started sweating and rubbing my neck.
She looked familiar. "I'm sorry," she anxiously muttered. "Didn't mean to disturb you."
"Oh, this?" I pointed to my left earbud, which remained in my ear. "I'm not actually on the phone. I'm just pretending to call someone." I don't know why I said that. Despite my anxiety, she seemed easy to talk to.
She laughed. "Haha."
"I know that's weird."
"Oh, no." She smiled. "I actually do the same thing."
There was a long pause as we both awkwardly stared at each other.
"So, do you go to school?" I blurted out.
"Uh, no, actually I don't. You?"
"No, I don't do anything."
I felt a certain tension between us. An awkwardness so intense yet relaxing at the same time. I felt uncomfortable, but I was eager to change that. Fuck minimum effort.
"Hey!" I attempted a confident tone. "I know I don't know you and you don't know me, but do you want to, like, do something. I could really use it."
"Uhhhh, sure." She said, hesitantly.
"Let's go!"
"Right now?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"I guess I could use more human connection than just saying 'Hi' to the person at the counter."
"Want to go get ice cream?" I asked. I felt a sudden surge of energy and motivation run through my body.
"Sure. I wasn't doing anything here anyways."
YOU ARE READING
as the way comes
General Fiction[redacted] is a 17-year old kid in high school. He is sort of a lonely kid until one day, he meets an attractive young woman who saves him from the feeling. He decides to go with the flow and see what happens. That is, until he doesn't.