Loud Mind [poetry]

Numb

I remember wishing
that I could just
stop feeling.
I remember thinking
how nice it would be
to stop hurting.

Now I know exactly
what it feels like,
but here is what
I've come to realize.
It's been a while
since I have felt
happy or sad
or just content.

The eyes that
stare back at me
in the mirror
are cold and empty.
The words that come
out of my mouth,
sound void and dull
which I used to loath.

But now it comforts me
and soothes me to know
the things that once hurt me
don't affect me anymore.
The words that used to get to me
and the looks that I couldn't ignore,
they mean nothing now,
I've stopped keeping score.

And now I wonder
which one is better.
Crying every night
or being dead inside?