boreo ; 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔠𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔦𝔠𝔩𝔢𝔰:

cinnamon girl.

night number 5.

Theo's swing of mood became harder each day, worse- each night... . I remember it all too well. The fear. I thought I was going to lose him. God, he was so ready to... leave me. Just like that. Like he never existed. 

I remember the dark night and cold asphalt. 

We were sitting on an old creaky swing at our playground, just waiting there for acid to hit. That was our first trip. It was instant and sudden and we were falling, maybe for real (stones hit my back) or was it for eachother or something completely different? I gazed into his blue eyes and I swear I could see ocean moving. Wild waves hitting me and drowning me. Maybe I lost conscious for a while, I don't know, but when I resurrected I dimply recognized foggy figure slowly walking to a distance. Then the figure lied down on highway. I couldn't recognize if I was dreaming..but then it hit me. I got up with the speed of lightning and ran to him, my legs wobbly like jelly. I fell on my knees on cold asphalt near him, ignoring sharp stones pinching through my skin. His eyes were closed like he was some dead body with occasional breathing. 

"Fucking move, Potter!" I told him, my voice shaky with hints of anger.

"Leave me be."

"Don't talk bullshit to me." I shook by his arm. Nothing. No response. I started to pull his hand, but he didn't move. His dead weight prevented him. 

"Don't. I already told you to leave me here."

"Not gonna happen. Well, while I'm still here, stucked with your idiotic ass I'm not going to leave, Potter. Ever! Kogda-libo! Ty ponyal?!"

We just laid there for a while. Silence between us. 

***

I successfully dragged Theo out of the road. I carefully pulled him down on bed.

"I'm feeling like shit."

"Maybe...maybe you should stop. Why are you doing this when you feel like this?! I thought that we're doing drugs because we want to have a great time, feel happy. But you... well look at you! You mess! I'm scared to think of what will possess your mind the next time!" Theo didn't say a word but he didn't have to. The realization struck me like lightning. He always talked about being responsible for his mom's tragic death. Immediately  I got closer to him, my back of shoulders touching his, I pulled him into a hug.

"Come here, Potter. Shh, I'll make this go away. I promise." I was whispering nonsense in Polish into his ear even though I knew there was no way I could fix this, I could only try. As I said this, he became so small in my tight hug and started sobbing. I stroked soft circles around his back, his body tense. He started to suffocate with a tight throat and helpless sobs. He was trembling like leaves in the wind. I could already see he was in some kind of panic attack.

"Theo, Theo. Look at me. Look at me." I took him by his face. He stared into my eyes, his pupils blown, gaze scared.

"Just breath. In, out."

"Guess I just want to die, I don't know." He laughed sadly into my dirty t-shirt. "So I can be with her."

It scared the fuck out of me. How could he say something like that, like it's nothing just part of his normal life. How could I ever make him happy? I was being helpless.
After a couple more hours he became more released in my embrace, I was watching over him, wanting to force out all the pain away.

"Just sleep, Potter." I pressed a small kiss on his hair. 

"Can you- can you maybe tell me something about your time in Ukraine and Poland?" He whispered, warily. 

"I didn't know you're this much into Slavic culture or are you into me, huh? Huh?" I teased him again with a good chuckle. 

"I guess both." He said, clearly not giving a fuck about what he just said. He gave me a small chuckle too and he finally smiled. 

"Niiice."

So I started talking, my stories lulled him to wistful sleep. 

The next day I couldn't tell him of his poor attempt of suicide, that was the other thing we've had secret telepathic agreement not to talk about. Then I found Kotku and I started dating her, thinking with good intentions that maybe this will stop Theo's craving of drugs. He mostly did them with me and I started to feel guilty about it. After all, I showed him this hellish world. And now... I wanted to save him. But could I ever help this broken boy?