boreo ; 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔠𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔦𝔠𝔩𝔢𝔰:

when the party's over.

//notes: okay so the timeline is a mess if yall confused, but this chapter follows the chapter: the goldfinch, thank you for your attention. love you all!//

night number 12

boris pov

The last few months with Potter were different. They consisted of constant arguing and jealousy from Theo's side (even though he never wanted to admit it) when I even complained about my break up with Kotku. I needed to absorb it all — especially his arduous behavior. He will never love me as much as I love him, will he? I often thought bitterly about him as I stroked his hair when he was drunk or held his head over the toilet as he vomited. Our nightly delights did not stop also, but gradually it lost its charm when I realized that it didn't matter at all. Was I just a fling for him, an arm he could literally cry on? Whatever I was to him, I loved it. I loved passionately and Theo was a burning fire, the heat which slowly began to fade until it slowly moved away. It didn't fade away completely, but receded. I found out that night when he was babbled so fast and desperately saying he had to leave immediately because his father had just died that night and a social worker would come after him. He literally begged me to go with him and I wanted, that vision was so tempting - only I Boris and he Theo against the whole world, traveling across half America, we would earn money as we would like, no school, endless snorts in drug lairs, life like a nothing, everything would be fine, but he has to stop thinking it is so easy for me,  that he has some power over me. When he saw by my body language that I had rejected his offer, he packed himself up, took the dog, and went out with things. Just like that. The taxi was already waiting in the driveway, but I had to say goodbye, I couldn't just let him go ... I couldn't..maybe if ... I leaned over and I smashed a longing kiss on his mouth for the last time. He just sighed in shock, and as quickly as I kissed him, so quickly I pulled away. 

"Don't forget me, Potter."

I stared at the leaving cab for a long time until it was lost around the corner. I couldn't believe it, he really just walked away and stopped existing in my fucking life ... he just wasn't. As if he never even existed. The cold night wind blew through my curls and I reeled across the street with chattering teeth. Where to go? What to do? I've decided to write to Kotku (even though we broke up, but I urgently needed to talk to someone), she was at a party, so I went there. It was a mistake and maybe fateful luck because there were hills of coke waiting for me, but at least it helped me forget about Theo. For at least a few hours. Then came the abstinence, and with it the terrible surge of sorrow that paralyzed me. My throat tightened, everyone asked me if I was okay, but I had to leave. I ran down an empty street, knowing only one direction where I wanted to go- Theo's home. I poked the bell aggressively until I almost broke my finger. With loud swearings and tear-stained mascara under her eyes, Xandra opened the door. 

"What do you want?" She murmured with cigarette hanging from her mouth.

"I...I.. can I stay here?"I gasped for air.

"I don't even want to see you here. Where's that other bastard that stole my dog?" She crossed her arms over her large breasts, which peeked out of her deep neckline, my gaze fell there.

"I'm sorry, Xandra, but he didn't steal. You just didn't take good care of him. I think Popchik is happy with us. And with Theo now." I said wisely and also truthfully. Without us, the poor Popchik would have died from a lack of food, and the house would have smelled of his shit and piss because Xandra and the father hadn't been home at all.

"Oh, you annoying little brat. Why should I let you in? You stole all my supplies," she complained, raising a thin eyebrow.

"That was Theo." I knew she meant by "supplies" drugs. We knew all her secret places. And now when Theo's not here, I can put all the blame on him, so what?

"Again, why should I let you in?"

"Maybe we can comfort each other?" I tried with a nice smile and I grinned. To my surprise, she just rolled her eyes, opened the door properly, and let me into the house as well as into her life. We had a few more interesting wild weeks ahead of us.

We sat, watching TV for a while, drinking bottles of beer, later I apologized and headed to the Potter's bedroom. I fell asleep curled up in his duvets, in his old pajama T-shirt with his scent. With a sigh, I wiped my lips against his pillow, where the sweet scent remained. It was the torture to sleep in his room full of memories. The only question that tortured me that night was: will I ever see you again, Potter?