boreo ; 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔠𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔦𝔠𝔩𝔢𝔰:

without you.

note: theo is really depressed in this one :/

*

night number 8

theo's pov

I woke up in Boris's embrace another morning. I recovered and gradually got into reality. It fell on me like a ton of bricks. Kotku, pills, me and Boris, night together. My head ached with all those memories, and probably the pain started with the stupid pills also. A loud grunt escaped from my mouth and when Boris opened his eyes, I pulled away from him. Fuck, he can't ever find out about those pills.

He grabbed me by my wrist while I was jumping out of bed. I stayed undecided on the ground with my feet, looking back at his sleeping curly bangs from where his black eyes glowed.

"Are you really cool with Kotku and that other stuff, you know. .hm, aren't you jealous?" I was taken aback by this question, because we are often not honest with each other, hell, not even in those early morning hours. I inhaled with a small sigh. "Fort the last time, no, Boris. I'm not jealous." I lied to myself, but it was convincing.

"Okéééj," Boris said thoughtfully, finally unstuck his head from the pillow and leaned on the elbow. "Today we'll skip school with Kotku, will you join us?"

Fucking Kotku. Here we go again. I suppressed an annoyed grunt. What could I idiot think? When Boris is bored with me he is just simply hanging out with Kotku. I'm not surprised. In fact, who would want to spend time with whiney depressed kid like me who actually looks like English Harry Potter?

"I don't want ..." I breathed, trying to stammer out of this situation. "just ... I don't want to be a third wheel."

"What? Are you listening to yourself at all, Potter? Stop saying bullshit." Boris was already getting out of bed, collecting clothes thrown on the floor from last night.

I frowned. "I feel like shit today, though. Nobody's going to get me out of bed. 'Am staying home." I stretched on my side of the bed and pulled the blanket up to my neck.

"Okay, but don't you dare making some shit." Boris threw his pillow in my face. I laughed into it.

"I'm serious, Potter." He said loudly, but his voice was shaking with emotion. I know what he was hitting. Just a few weeks ago I almost committed suicide. I don't even know how it happened, my memories are still vague, but I know we just overdose on that day. Since then, we have been careful, but Boris does not know anything about hidden Xandra's pills.

I nodded silently, unable to say the words. Boris stood for a while with the backpack on his back, staring at me, still apparently counting if he should leave and so leaving me in my unpredictable state, but eventually he really left me.

***

The whole day was moving incredibly slowly. It was worse than in school, and it was literally my personal hell. The sun roared through the dark curtains, the incapable air conditioner didn't even work, I was sweating like a pig, alone in the house with my annoying thoughts. In the evening I regret not joining Boris and Kotku, whatever they were doing right now. I rather didn't want to think about how they smooched somewhere, Boris's hand on her waist, Kotku's hand in Boris's amazing soft hair, pulling it back and forth, and he sighs delightfully. Then her hand moves to his crotch and ...

Oh, God, what am I even thinking about?! I jumped out of bed and turned on the radio, I needed to drown out my thoughts. But they didn't calm down. I still had Boris and Kotku in front of my eyes. I hated myself for it. Eventually everyone will leave me, right? Mom, dad, Mrs. Barbour, Andy, and even Boris. I couldn't think of a single person who wanted to be with me, to endure it with me. I only knew one way to prevent that thoughts. I walked into the bathroom and emptied the box of pills. I may be better . . .

No, I haven't been better . . . . two more hours have passed, and I almost started to cry. I don't even know why I wanted to cry, maybe it all came down to me, mom, Boris, Kotku, me, and I was was feeling sick. Those were really good reasons to cry. I found myself walking to the phone and dialing Boris's number. It ringed for a while. Then she picked up with a very annoyed "Halo?"

I don't know if I felt disappointed or more surprised, but I bit my lips so I wouldn't cry in front of the girl.

"Where is Boris? Give me him."

"Can't speak now," She said bored, while I heard a strange smacking. I couldn't tell if she was chewing gum, or ... oh, right. I almost threw up, but I swallowed, I couldn't afford to vomit on Xandra's carpet in the living room where I sat ruined on the couch.

"I said give him to me!" I shouted at her, hoping her ear ached. For while I only heard white noise, in that minute of silence I literally heard her rolling her eyes out, but then finally Boris spoke up.

"Da, Potter?"

"Boris, you have to come here. I'm feeling terribly sick." I grumbled on the phone, clutching my poor belly with one hand.

"Hold on, I'll be there in a moment." he sounded serious, then he ended the call. When Boris said in a moment he really came in a moment. He walked through the door like a violent wind, and he walked closer as he saw me curled up on the couch. Unfortunately, Kotku followed him. What the fuck was she doing here ?!

"What the hell happened to you?!"Boris knelt down in front of me and he checked me. I didn't want to admit to him that I had an overdose, and mostly, I didn't want him to know what a pathetic wreck I was. All I wanted was him to be here. With me.

"I .... n-nothing." I stammered. What to think of now? Boris came too fast so I didn't have time to figure out a good excuse.

"How many have you taken?" Kotku suddenly spoke up. She stood there at the door like a ghost, her arms crossed on her breasts. I swear I forgot that she was here with us, because suddenly I jumped up when I heard her voice. And then I realized what she said ... How the hell did she find out ?! She'll ruin everything, damn it! We both looked at her.

"He took the pills. He has the same symptoms as I did when I overdosed because I wanted some stupid attention. He just needs to throw them out." She rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall, reminding me of a teacher. I narrowed my eyes at her. She can keep her fucking wise words.

"Is that so, Potter?" Boris looked at me, fear in his eyes. I swallowed nervously. I felt embarrassed, and I was ashamed that I looked like really poor man in front both of them.

"I just wanted..."

"What did you want, huh? Huh?! You know what could have happened, you are really impossible! I can't let my eyes off you. Now come..." He patted my shoulder and I followed him into the bathroom.

For the rest of the evening he was taking care of me, unfortunately, Kotku was still there, sitting next to me and switching TV channels. Boris ran for something to the kitchen. Alarmingly, I realized I was alone with her. From the corner of my eye I noticed that she suddenly came dangerously closer to me.

"Once again, you'll want my boyfriend's attention and I'll make sure you never see him again. You understand, Decker?" She pierced me with those cold grey eyes. I noticed her piercings because she was very close, one in her nose, the other over her lips and the third over her eyebrows. The black line under her eyes was blurry. She reminded me with her harsh look of a really ugly witch.

I nodded in fear. But how the hell should I avoid Boris?