boreo ; 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔠𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔦𝔠𝔩𝔢𝔰:

when you're not here.

night number 12

boris pov

This is how I slept in the bed and in his duvets for weeks. I have to admit, it was nice, I never wanted to leave, the school just didn't attract me without Theo, but for my own good and future, I forced myself to go there. Otherwise, it was impossible to survive in this world. It became relatively easier for me to go there when one day I became the star of the whole school. I got into illegal business, and I bought drugs with that money. Half of the girls and boys from school literally loved me. I sold at cheap convenient prices, not like those overpriced drug dealers. Kotku was hanging around me once again, probably just because I was popular and finally worth a damn thing, me - Boris Pavlikovsky, now the most popular guy at school, but I just didn't want her anymore. Suka. Bitch. 

The parties full of coke were amazing, Potter could just regret it, regret it! I really had fun, just here and there I was overwhelmed by a tremor of fragile solitude, especially at night, when the only thing I heard was a deafening fan and the wind in the desert. No one to lean on. Xandra slept downstairs, but it would be weird to snuggle up to her, so I hugged Theo's pillow. Memories came back to me, but one certain paralyzed me. I swear. . . My whole body remained immobilized that night, I couldn't move my muscles. It was like that fucking sleep paralysis.

Back then, devastated, I limped to Potter's house, he opened the door, and when he saw me, fear began to settle in his eyes. I was not surprised, I must have looked horrible, devastated, and wounded, an ugly purple bruise shining under my eye. He let me in immediately, fortunately, he didn't ask,  I wouldn't even be able to explain to him what happened because I just don't know why my father beat me. Apparently he was just drunk again. Silently we went to his room, I was sitting on the bed while he rummaged through the first aid kit. He found some kind of ointment - Heparoid,  something against bruising as it was stated on the tube. He sat next to me and without unnecessary words, he leaned over, brushed the black curls from my face, and placed his index finger with ointment under my eye. I pulled away for a while from sudden pain, but then I got used to the gentle touch of his fingers. Damn, he took good care of me like that, and I . . . I didn't do anything for him, I even stole his famous painting. 

With remorse I collapsed into his bed, he approached me, hugged me from behind and so we somehow fell asleep. In fact not really. I clearly remember, and certainly even him (if he ever wanted to admit it) that we pretended to sleep. Sometimes my eyelids closed, and his too. And when I really pretended to be asleep like a professional actor, I suddenly felt the inquisitive eyes on me. I didn't have to open mine to know he was looking at me. I held my breath. He brushed the curls from my forehead as if he were going to examine me, every wrinkle, the expression on my face, the freckles, the birthmarks. I bit into my inner gums so I wouldn't break my acting role and smile right there on the spot. Theo really wasn't aware of what he was doing when no one was looking at him. I almost laughed, but I covered it with slight snore, but he got scared and pulled away for a moment. After a long minute, I heard him come closer to me again. He towered over me until he finally leaned over and pressed a quick insecure kiss to my lips. Then he quickly pulled away again as if he was afraid he would wake me. Sweet, timid Theo. I had to pretend I didn't feel anything  so he could decide and kiss me once again. And he did. This time his kisses were more passionate, and I couldn't pretend anymore when it occurred to me what he wanted. Aren't you a cunning little fox, Potter? I thought to myself with a grin as I pulled him closer, and my hand went under his pajamas and stroked his back.

I returned to a devastating reality, full of loneliness. I couldn't sleep, so I stared at the ceiling, trying to get Theo somehow out of my head, but it didn't work. I felt his kisses on my lips and I had to convince myself. . .I grabbed my empty lips, he wasn't there.