Lonesome | Arthur Morgan

Chapter 13

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Lilian didn't let a single tear shed before she reached her tent, ignoring Hosea's intrusive questions to see if she was okay. She didn't want Arthur's words to hurt her so much, but she didn't realise what feelings had begun to develop for him from the short amount of time they had spent together. She laid and thought for awhile in her tent. Why did Arthur bother her that much? She knew she liked him but he dug a little deeper into the nerve system when she thought about him. Her tears were anger fuelled and knew exactly why romance books were just books

Eventually she did stop crying because she knew she didn't want to waste her time crying over Arthur and began to convince herself that it was only a kiss and it shouldn't of meant anything, even though deep down it really did. She felt so silly, not knowing anything about love or life, confused on what was meant to be right.

The days went quick in camp as Lilian remained to act like nothing was wrong only until Arthur was around and she would distance herself from those who were near him. Arthur distanced himself as well. As much as he wanted to apologise, he knew he was doing the girl a favour in his eyes, as on the outside to others she was fragile. He wrote often about her, more often than he should of seen as he was trying to remove the lingering feelings of lust for her. The way he spoke of her in his journal was enough to make anyone think her as a deity in human form with the words of perplexity he wrote. Arthur was a stubborn man though, much like Lilian, which is why arguments between them weren't ever going to be easy to resolve. Arthur wouldn't like for people or her to know of his feelings for as she would be much more of a target than she was already as others could use her against him which he was afraid of mostly.

In the time Lilian had spent distancing herself from Arthur and not getting caught up in a dream world, she had time to reflect on home life and how she felt sick at the thought of anything happening to Edward and her parents. She felt this thick wave of guilt go over her as she thought about how she was so caught up in the idea of finally being able to be free from the chains of tradition and altruism and completely ignored the lives of her family at the moment.

On a clear afternoon, Lilian was sat woefully sewing Charles's shirt sleeves that were torn from another of the groups dangerous run-ins. Lilian had been taught many skills during her time growing up in a rich family, unlike her brothers she was to focus on more feminine activities. She'd agreed to do this for Charles out of kindness as she had noticed how tatty his clothes were getting as he hadn't dared asked the girls in camp yet. Charles kept closed most the time due to trust and the mixed attitudes he had received from people for being Native American.

Arthur overheard whilst in camp Lilian had  been doing this for Charles and a deep kick of jealously hit his stomach as he could see from his tent the soft hands of hers by the fire, making their way through the pile of clothes Charles had left for her. He wanted to purposely rip his shirts just so he had a reason to talk to her. Arthur couldn't focus on it too much as him, the other men and Sadie were heading out tonight to deal with business and having his head thinking silly over Lilian would only distract him from 'real' issues.

Lilian wasn't paying much attention to her surroundings so was soon startled by a sudden movement next to her on the log. Her head briskly looked up to be met with a pair of playful eyes that belonged to Mary-Beth. "Sweet heaven, you scared me." Lilian took in a breath, putting a hand to her chest. "Are you okay?"

"Are you nearly done with these yet?" Mary Beth spoke impatiently and silently as she looked to see if anyone was watching them converse, not that it would matter.