Kellin's an actor and everything is going good on the outside for him. He's a star, theres no reason for him to be so hateful? Then why is he so moody? When Oliver gets a bigger part in the movie how will that effect kellin?
"Wake up, theres some dude here," kailey says opening my door. I pull my blankets up.
"Dude fucking knock " I say covering my bare chest.
"Ew you sleep naked?" She says grossed out. She leaves leaving my door open.
"Shut my door! Kailey! You're a fucking bitch-" Oliver walks over to the door and he looks at me for a moment with a smirk.
"Hury and get dressed," he says shuting my door for me. I blush heavily and sigh. Why can't I act normal? I get up and put on my clothes. I put three pills in my hand and frown. I need medicine to keep myself from killing myself but my medicine makes me sick.
I grab my bottle of water but its empty. I leave my room unhappily and pass Oliver who's looking at my wall. I back track and see kailey hung up that stupid picture up again.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I grab it off the wall and drop it. It shatters as it crashes into the floor breaking the frame.
"Kellin-"
"Please just go sit? I'm- just, fuck," I say leaving to go into the kitchen. He follows not listening to my accidental desperate attempt to make him go away. I grab a cup and fill it up with water. I put my pills in my mouth and drink the water.
"Why are you here, its 10am I don't wake up this early," I say feeling like I'm about to explode in emotions.
He looks at me- well he's been looking at me this whole time, he makes eye contact is what I mean. "I didn't know if you had anything planned today and I dont have your number so I thought I'd come by early instead of later.
I sigh and try to fix my hair. "Its fine, but im even more grumpy in the mornings," I say and open my refrigerator but shut it when I don't see anything I want.
"That's fine, I think it's cute when you act all asshole-ish," he says and I look at him confused.
"I'm not gay, don't call me cute," I snap and my sister walks in.
"Not true, I saw him checking out guys last time we went to the mall," she says.
"No I wasn't! Don't lie. I'm not a faggot," I say defensively.
She looks at me sad. Why is she sad? "Can I talk to you for a minute?" She says and I feel like I fucked things up again.
"Yeah," I say feeling sorry that I yelled. Me and he walk away from Oliver. We go outside and sit on the porch.
"Kellin, are you okay? You seem like you've been falling apart lately," she says seriously.
I look away feeling guilty. "Sorry kailey, I don't mean to be so fucked up," I mumble.
"Its okay but can you talk to me about it? For real this time," she says and I look at her. She looks like shes going to cry if I don't.
"You know about most of it, parents.. depression.. anxiety.. bipolar but yeah I guess there's more," I say fiddling with my hoodies zipper.
"Remember when I.. did that stupid thing?" I say feeling bad for bring up when I tried to kill myself. She nods and puts her hand on my knee.
"It was because I'm scared.. something I'm questioning might be true.." I say and I'm on a verge of tears.
If I admit this it seems like it might make it come true. But it's been killing me.
"I don't like girls.. I know you're my sister and don't want to hear this but they don't turn me on," I say embarrassed.
"So you might actually be gay?" She says and I hurt inside. I hate myself so much.
"I don't want to be a faggot," I start crying.
"Hey, it's okay. It's not bad-" I stand up and go inside. Oliver looks at me and hot tears run down my face.
"Kellin, let's talk more about this. Please?" She says and I sob slightly. I try to go to my room but she grabs onto my wrist and tries to stop me.
"Stay out here," she pleads.
"Let go, I'm just going to my room," I say not wanting to cry in front of them.
"No, last time you cried and ran to your room you ended up in the fucking hospital! I'm your fucking younger sister! Do you know how much you stress me out!?" She screams at me.
"Hey can you leave him alone? You're upsetting him," Oliver says making my sister leave. I stand there crying with my hands covering the bottom half of my face.
Once she's gone he pulls me into a hug. I want to be mad at him but instead I hug onto him and cry.
Why am I crying on him?
That's gay.. I should pull away. I don't listen to my thoughts I just stay here in his warm arms.
Now this guy knows I'm fucked up. I wish I was better at hiding my emotions. My brain just hates me today.
If I didn't come in crying would my cover not be blown yet or could he see through it? I hate meeting new people because it's easy for them to get a bad first impression on me. Or more like a real impression on me.
I wanted him just to see me as rude and to good to talk to anyone. Now he already seen me cuddle with him and cry. Maybe he can be my test subject. See if someone could actually be friends with the real me.
Its easier to be with a constant rude person than a up and down and all around person. Nah, after this I'll go back to rude.
Some times you just have to open up your eyes and look around. Appreciate what you have and look forward to the possibilities of a amazing future.
