The Act

16 medicine

I want to write something but I feel like I'd be stealing someone's idea... would you be okay with trans ftm kellin in one of my stories? *probably not going to do it.. unless a few people say they want it*

Kellin's pov

I put the three pills in my hand..

Depression

Anxiety

Bipolar

These things are what run my mind and make me forget who I am. These pills help me mask the pain with numbness but it doesn't really work. It just makes me not happy and not eat..

I put them down and wash my face instead. I leave the bathroom without taking my medicine and look at Oliver. He's so nice and different from other people.  I want his opinion but that's hard because I want to keep my secrets secret.

Oli looks at me as I walk in and I feel embarrassed but I really want to talk about how I feel. Nobody else will understand and he seems to be good at understanding.

"My medicine is making me sick and hasn't been helping but when I stop taking it I get suicidal," I say and regret saying it as soon as it comes out of my mouth. Both of us look surprised and I want to run away.

I turn away about to bolt but he starts talking so I stop and look st him. "Come here, let's talk about it. That's what you want right?" He says and I look at the door and then him. What do I do?

"I don't know," I say and he pats the spot beside him. I shake my head and lean against my door with my arms crossed.

"What's the medicine for?" He asks and I look away.

"Bipolar.." I say not mentioning the other two. He nods a little and thinks for a moment.

"How long have you been taking it and when did it stop working?" He asks.

"I just got diagnosed last year and it somewhat worked but um... my other medicine got changed and ever since then my brain has been everywhere and I've lost 30 pounds this year.." I mumble and he gets up and comes over.

He hugs me and I allow it even though I'm not in the best mood. "Can I see the medicine?" He asks and I feel guilty because he's going to see I'm on three different medications.

I grab his hand and slowly take him to my bathroom. He looks at the three yellow bottles with blue lids. He doesn't let go of my hand as he picks one up and reads it. He looks at all of them and frowns.

"I'm not a professional but have you talked to the doctor about bipolar depression? Maybe taking three different pills is messing each other up," he says and I shrug.

"No.. I don't like talking to him, he just starts talking to fast and telling me a thousand things at once," I say quickly feeling the anxiety.

"How bad is it when you're off of them?" He says and I look away.

"I'm pretty hard to handle and I'm either really happy and excited or am crying and wanting to jump out of moving cars or jump into their way," I mumble trying to just be honest.

"How much have you been eating and how do you feel when you're on it?" He says and I think.

"I'm not sure about when I ate last.. not yesterday.. and I feel overwhelmed and sick," I say and he nods a little.

"Okay, how about you take your anxiety medication but neither of these and I'll talk to.." he picked up a bottle and reads the name. "Dr. Smalls, I'll see if he can see you and I want to talk to him," he says and I nod a little.

"Yeah but I'm scared I'll do something stupid.." I mumble and he hugs me.

"What if I never let you out of my sight?  And tried to help you stay happy?" He says and I think about it.

"Okay.." I agree and take my anxiety medicine.

"Can I cook you some food and you try to eat?" He asks and we leave the bathroom hand in hand.

"Sure but if I throw up imma be upset," I say and we go to my kitchen. As we walk there I see my sister on the couch do I let go of Oli's hand before she sees. He glances at me and then her.

"Do you want breakfast?" Oliver asks her making her look up from her phone.

"Sure," she says and I walk with him into the kitchen. I watch him open random cabinets and drawers getting stuff out to cook.

"Do you have any pop?" He says and I giggle. 

"Theres soda in the refrigerator," I say and he opens it and tosses me a can and I have a mini heart attack before catching it.

"Don't throw things at me! I can't catchhh," I whine and he laughs and opens one for himself.

"You caught that," he says and I pout.

"Whatever," I mumble and he starts cooking.

I watch as he cooks and I smile a little to myself. He's helping me.. maybe I should be real with him. No more fake rudeness..

After a little while he gets done cooking and kailey comes in and he hands her a plate full of food and make me and him a plates of food and we all sit down.

"I like you're boyfriend, he knows how to cook," kailey says and the soda that I was drinking sprays everywhere including on Oli, my clothes, and in my lungs. I get up and start coughing and dying.

Oliver gets up and tries to help and my sister laughs her ass off. After a minute when I can breathe and not cough I glare at her. "I'm not gay, and he's not my boyfriend," I say and Oliver leads me away because we are both soaking wet.