The Act

8 Christmas

I'm shaking for no reason

It is Christmas..

Yay..

I'm so excited...

The frown on my face and stiffness as I walk all indicate that I'm being sarcastic. I'm miserable.

I slip pass people who are probably some form of related to me and go outside. I sit on the porch and be unsocial. Everybody in there is loud and too touchy.

Before I said I liked hugs, that's mostly a lie. I hate hugs from relatives or strangers. But if its by people I trust I like it. Oli hugged me and I was okay with it..

Oli's just different from other people. I feel like I hate him but some reason want to hang out with him. On holidays my family pretends to be perfect.  A lot of us are actors and it's pretty creepy when we are all together.

Everybody is smiling; well not me. I'm fake but I cover up my sadness with being rude. My phone dings, its Christmas who would text me?

When I look at it I feel warm inside even though my outside is freezing in this temperature.

Oli: Merry Christmas, hope you are having a good time

Kellin would never respond nicely... I look at my phone sadly. I have to respond rude of someone will think I'm gay. Or that I have feelings. I bite my lip and type in a message.

Kellin: fuck you

What else should I have said? Maybe just ignore him? Well it's too late.

Oli: ouch, having a bad time?

What? No! That's not what I want him to think. I stand up and start pacing the porch. He's seeing my rudeness as sign of sadness. That's the opposite of what I want.

Kellin: I'm having a good time at my family's house, the 'fuck you' was to stop you from ruining my time

Why am I like this? Why can't I accept that I'm sad and that's a human emotion.

Oli: so what are you doing then?

I'm outside so I don't have a freak out. My parents are in there, yes both of them, And their significant others. They are both famous people so they want public to think they didn't have a messy break up.

They also don't want to seem like how they are. Abusive parents.. I run my hand through my hair.

Kellin: I'm eating dinner and talking to my parents

Oli: yeah and I'm flying

Is he calling me a liar?

Kellin: I doubt you're flying

Oli: and I know you're not inside

I look up and look around to see if I'm being watched or anything. 

Oli: to your right

I frown and look over to my right and look at a house. I flip it off and then start texting.

Kellin: you can see me? What am I wearing

I just want to make sure he's not just messing with me.

Oli: girl pants, a shirt with white and red and that's a bad finger mister

I look back and frown. I can't see him.. because I'm not his friend and dont want to talk to anyone or be watched I put my phone in my pocket and go into the crowded house.

My uncle comes up and stands way to close to me as he starts congratulating me on random stuff like my acting and looks. I smile and nod trying to leave. I'm not listening to anything he says and I don't care if he can see that or not.

"Oh hold on, I'll be right back," I say and leave. I'm not coming back, I'm trying to disappear but it's not working. People keep stopping me and asking things or complimenting me on random stuff.

People shove gifts at me and I thank them hardly getting to see what the things are before they are hugging me and random people take pictures of me. All if this is too much..

"Kellin! Come here," my mother grabs my arm and shoves past people with a fake smile. The grip is unfriendly but her face and words are as she drags me outside.

When we are outside alone she pushes me away and I face her readying myself for whatever speech she has awaiting.

"You're- you- fuck it! I try to be nice but you keep disappointing me. The movie your in! I talked to your manager and he gave me a script!" She yells in a whisper so nobody will here, obviously mad about it supporting gay right and whatnot.

"I didn't read it before agreeing, I had no clue-" I start trying to defend myself but her hand across my cheek shuts me up. I put my hand on my cheek and look down as she starts to scold me. Telling me how wrong it is to be gay.

A window opening makes me look past my mother and the Oli. "Hey!" My mother turns around and looks at him because he's shouting 'hey'. "Did you know its against the law to hit someone?" He says and I frown. He saw that..

"Oh sweetie he doesn't mind that, and it wasn't hard," she says and I know she has that fake smile on. "Tell him everything is fine," she whispers to me.

"Everything's okay, thanks anyways," I say to Oliver and he doesn't look happy. My mom turns to me and I hug her quickly and make my escape.

Grabbing the random gifts I feel two pairs of eyes but I ignore them. I get into my car and leave. My mother is going to send me paragraphs of text about leave so early but I'm sure shes happy I hugged her to make her neighbor think shes a good mom or whatever.

She doesn't know Oli so I doubt she'll ever talk to him and find out that he knows me. If she does.. I don't care.

I'm going home and going to check out these gifts and then watch some shows  and then I'll sleep. I don't want to socialise anymore.

If you like this book you might like some of my other books, you should go check them out and give them some support

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