A Thousand Lies

Chapter 30

Song: bleachless

Chapter name: disappointments

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Temperance

Two weeks have passed since Emaline's funeral. A few days ago I finally opened the bedroom door to Alec. We now share his bed since he continues to let me reside here.

I haven't destroyed any more furniture since the last time they replaced it. Whenever I get overwhelmed and have to self-harm I do it in the shower.

I continue to avoid speaking but sometimes I have to. I'm not completely silent like I was, I just don't have anything to say anymore.

Zander is finally out of his room. My worry for him has been constant. He helplessly tries to find distractions from her death.

Rea is technically bound by my side, ordered by Alec. He can't be with me every second of the day, which I understand, so he sends Rea to tend to me. She is always stationed close by, I can't help but feel guarded.

I have no problem with her being around. She has never shown ill intentions towards me. If I ever need anything she doesn't hesitate to help me. I consider her a friend.

A friend but not a best friend. I can't imagine myself having that connection with anyone like that. I know it seems silly to call someone I barely knew my "best friend."

It's not about how long you've known them, it's about the connection you formed. My connection to Emaline was undeniably strong

My life consists of numbness. I watched Emaline die and went to her funeral but my mind can't comprehend reality.

Sometimes I stare at the door, waiting for her to barge in and say it was some sick prank. My waiting never ends with her coming through the door.

Then there's Alec. He checks on me every chance he gets, terrified he will find me dead. I know he doesn't care about me in that way. He's just doing that, so he doesn't have to worry about a dead girl on his hands.

But then again... what if he does care? He brought me in. He's taking care of me. He lets me sleep in his bed. He seems like he would do anything for me.

No, stop it, Temperance.

You're a disease. You're a pest. It doesn't matter if he cares or not. Being around you is dangerous. You get people killed. It's your fault.

I sit in the living room. I've been here all day laying down on my side. I watch silently as people walk past. How I wish to be happy and carefree as they are.

I stand up, my head buzzing from low iron as I stumble towards the wall.

Once I can see again I walk to the kitchen, opening a medicine cabinet. I thin my lips as I grab a bottle of ibuprofen.

I pour several out on my hand and look at them closely. I count ten and glance around the room, making sure I'm alone.

I hold them in my closed fist as I pour water into a cup.