The nanny• Kim Namjoon

Chapter 57

Namjoon briskly walked down the halls of the hospital, checking his wristwatch at least 5 times before he got to Diana's room, he merely had an hour before visiting hours were over.

He got to the door of her room and leaned against it, trying to catch his breath from the fast walk he just did. After catching his breath, his hands became shaky, they always did whenever he went to visit her. but nonetheless he entered the room and saw that she was resting as usual and placed his briefcase on the visitors chair.

It had been a week since the fall, a week since she was conscious, a week since she moved on her own, a week since she smiled, a week since he heard her voice, a week since he touched her, a week of absolute distress and regret.

Namjoon didn't know what he did that made Diana run from him which added stress to his already stressful life, he tried his best to understand the situation, it was beyond him and not knowing anything made him feel worst. He couldn't live an hour without Diana crossing his mind, he could busy with work but somehow, something would remind him of her and he'd momentarily lose his focus.

namjoon was told to give an extensive report on the incident to both police officers and doctors on several occasions because the x rays and the further examining of her body shows that she was injured previously and she had mysterious bruises about her body.

Being questioned by the police wasn't something that a man like namjoon thought he would be doing and even though he was told not to panic he couldn't help it, he started debating whether he was drunk when the fall happened and if he actually did hurt her.

The doctors tried to make the best out of the information they got and came to the conclusion that Diana had an abusive past that had nothing to do with namjoon and they got help from a psychiatrist to help them with a logical explanation for the what had caused Diana to run and their conclusion was that Diana had PTSD.

Namjoon gathered all his mental strength and sat on Diana's bed even though he wasn't allowed to do so. "ah, Diana" namjoon exhaled as he stared at her heart rate monitor, he could never look at her face when he's up close, it was too hard, last time he tried, he felt himself going weak with tears.

He sighed then turned his focus on Diana's dry looking hand, he intertwines their fingers slowly. His fingers were shaking against her cold ones. It took a while to settle in, a while for him to realize that Diana couldn't hold his hand back and that the Goosebumps he felt whenever they intertwined their fingers weren't there, he didn't feel anything but emptiness which was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

"I," he started, his voice cracking a bit, "am, so sorry, I- I wish, I knew why" he finished with his lips trembling, he wasn't one for tears or overwhelming emotions but when it came to Diana, he got broken easily. He had so much more words he wanted to say but he couldn't, instead he broke down in tears, weakly letting go of her hand to cover his face, preventing anyone from seeing him crying.

He was distraught, nothing seemed to make sense, namjoon had been bottling up his frustration for the past week and he refused to indulge in alcohol, already thinking that he was drunk and must've hurt her when she fell. And crying, was the only way he could release this frustration.

There were sudden soft knocks on the door that didn't faze namjoon, he kept crying until he heard the clearing of a throat above him. He looked up from his wet hands to see Dr. kimsung peering down at him with furrowed eyebrows, "are you okay Mr. Kim?" the doctor asked and namjoon nodded followed by sniffles.

He stood up to face the doctor who looked bothered by something. "are you in the right headspace to receive this news Mr Kim?" Dr kimsung asked and to be honest namjoon wasn't, whether the news was good or bad, he wasn't ready but he needed to know something about this situation, about Diana so he lied, "yes doctor".

"the other doctors and I examined the body- "the doctor began but stopped when namjoon shook his head, "don't talk about her as if she's dead" namjoon chided, scaring the doctor a bit.

"the doctors and I , ran a couple of tests on Diana and have formulated conclusions and diagnoses on her physical and mental state" Dr kimsung informed, paying close attention to the wise choice of words this time, "do you want the good news or the bad news first?" the doctor asked and namjoon felt his heart sank.

He had an internal battle with himself, debating whether he should take the good news first or take none, bad news wasn't something that he could bear to hear, "you know what? You're supposed to get the bad news in order to understand the good news, so I'll give you the bad news first" Dr kimsung said and namjoon choked.

"according to the report you gave us, the obvious aging bruises about her body, the long-term SCI in which she has and the diagnoses of a professional psychiatrist, Diana king has PTSD and has had an abusive childhood" kimsung avowed.

"why do you want to hurt me? What did I ever do to you? I never asked to be here!" Diana roars, pushing namjoon and scratching his face a bit, he stands there feeling paralyzed as he watches this stranger breakdown, this isn't Diana.

Some of it made sense to him, he should've paid attention to these signs.

"I-I didn't meh-mean to, puh-please" she begged while shaking furiously which caused namjoon to widen his eyes in fear that something bad was happening to her.

Namjoon felt as if he'd been cut loose of the string of his sanity that he was holding onto, he became slack-jawed, despondent and bleak, with tears streaming down his face.

Dr kimsung stood there looking surprised at namjoon's reaction to the bad news, "I suggest that you don't tell her until she admits to herself and ask for help, I know it doesn't sound right but please, don't tell her" the doctor said before leaving namjoon in his pity party.

A few minutes later, the bell rung, announcing that visiting hours were over and namjoon quickly wiped his tears and tried to composed himself, he walked over to the visitor's chair and grabbed his briefcase before deciding to look at Diana one last time before he left

Namjoon much to his misery, did not expect to see Diana staring back at him.

He audibly gasped, widen his eyes, dropped his briefcase, ran over to her bed and dropped on his knees before he broke down in tears.

Diana stared at him dumbfound before receiving a sharp pain in her head which caused her to scream.

In a state of panic, namjoon ran out of her room and searched for any doctor that he could find.

a/n; *CASUALLY UPDATES AFTER 2 MONTHS*