The nanny• Kim Namjoon

chapter 64

Everything was wrong about this but Diana didn’t want to stop, it felt so fucking good, better than any kiss she’d shared with hwasa, she finally received the same amount of energy, same amount of passion and felt almost euphoric.

Namjoon kissed her like his life depended on it, as if he’d been in famine for years and Diana’s lips were food. The whole thing had his body and fire, he never thought that kissing would’ve felt so good, he’d pour all his feelings towards her in it and though he felt as if his lips were drowning hers, it only made the kiss better.

Diana started to feel angry with herself. She’s supposed to push him off, she’s supposed to yell at him, she’s supposed to tell him how he violated her, how he didn’t ask for consent, she’s not supposed to be enjoy every second of his, she’s not supposed to enjoy the taste of his lips, she’s not supposed to want more of his touch, these thoughts made the kiss turn aggressive, it made Diana bit his lip, causing him to groan in pain, and with the little space he formed when he opened his lips to groan, Diana shoved her tongue in his mouth which changes the nature of their kiss.

It became sexual.

Their tongues twirl on the other as namjoon pulled her closer and his hands travelled down to her ass where he groped it, causing Diana to moan. She pulled his hands down and repositioned it at her better angle on her ass then he squeezed the plump flesh softly, making her moan again which had a significant effect on him.

Its was if Diana got slapped back into reality and she realized what the fuck was happening.

She couldn’t lose her virginity like this.

Not in this state and certainly not to him.

Too much was going on right now, making Diana feel like namjoon was being selfish and taking advantage of her, why’d he wait till she was most vulnerable to act like this? Diana felt disgusted to the point where she started crying.

Her tears made the kiss salty which made namjoon snap his eyes open and immediately pulled away when he saw her tears, “fuck” he cursed and Diana began crying more, “I’m sorry” he managed to apologized and was going to hug her again when Diana stepped back.

“do you have any idea how selfish you are being?” she snapped which shocked him a bit, “you knew exactly what happened to me not too long ago, you were right there, you were in that mess too and you’re fucking trying to use me, to take advantage of me  when you know how weak I am, I fucking trusted you, how could you do this to me?!” she bellowed, furiously wiping away her tears,

“I didn’t mean to” namjoon stammered, regret began to overwhelm him and it was unbearable, he reggretted so many things that he’s done today and why not do one more thing to put the cherry on top?

“and you could still trust me, I would never use you and take advantage of you, you know that I promised to be there when ever you need me, I wouldn’t betray you like this even if it was a in the moment kind of thing” namjoon assures nervously, “in the moment? What the fuck could’ve been so good for you to kiss me in a time like this huh? Why? - Why’d you do it?!” she bellowed again, not giving him he a chance to speak and making him feel worse about the situation.

“because I love you Diana, in the moment, I realised how much you meant to me and how much I’d rather be with you than with anyone else, angel” namjoon confessed.

Diana’s eyes widen to the size of saucers as his words registered. This was the last fucking thing she wanted to hear, this was the last thing she needed after all she’s been through, this would only complicated things and she knew for fact that namjoon didn’t love her, love was something strong and they’re nowhere near that.

“you don’t love me” she mumbled, not even believing her own words. Everything made sense to her, every act of affection, all his words and she wished it wasn’t true

 “Diana I’ve never felt this way about anyone or anything, I’ve never been so sure in my fucking life, I feel like a new person when I’m with you, I feel like a child who’s been given candy for the first time, I’ve never had it before but I’ve heard how good it was and I wanted to experience it myself and after that first lick I was all in, I knew what I felt and I wanted to feel it again, its like being in a garden full of your favourite flowers and you’re just enjoying the scenery and the scent then there’s butterflies that come to scare you even if they’re beautiful and seemingly harmless but you embrace them regardless and Diana I swear, even if the time may have been 5 months, the love I have for you is there, I know it is, I would’ve never imagined someone making me happy to the point where the thought of them makes my mood better, my love for you maybe new but its there” he declared, his eyes sparkly as he explained his feelings, his heart swelling in his chest and his cheeks becoming wet with tears of happiness.

His words were enough to make Diana cry as she realized how serious this was and that maybe he really did love her and its not his fault, he didn’t choose to love her, love doesn’t make you chose, it just creeps up on you but this made everything more complicated.

She knew that she didn’t love hwasa but she didn’t love namjoon either.

Now she was having second thoughts about wanting to be with hwasa.

“I’m sorry” Diana apologized before running up to her room in tears, she needed to sort her childhood trauma before dealing with this mess