The Difference Between Getting and Needing

t h i r t y - f i v e

it don't matter just as long as
i get all you t o n i g h t . . .

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"So I've been thinking about going to therapy."

On my phone screen, Collin was visibly taken aback by that announcement. His eyes blinked rapidly behind his glasses as he tried to digest the words, his mouth slightly hanging open in surprise.

We were previously talking about how yet another person we went to high school with had fallen victim to what we called Suburb Syndrome – getting engaged, buying houses, having babies all without leaving our hometown of Clearloft – so I couldn't blame him for his reaction. I brought it up out of absolutely nowhere.

"Oh," he squeaked, and I could tell just by the troubled sound that his mind was struggling to wrap itself around the sudden change of topic. "Okay then. Sure. Why not?"

"Just a thought. I don't know," I muttered then with a shrug.

"No, no. I think it's great," he scrambled to reply. "I'm a little shocked, is all. Where did this come from?"

My lips flattened before I answered. I wasn't about to disclose the fact that Gus was the reason. It was his personal business and even though Collin was like my own blood, that didn't give me the right to blab to him about it.

Still, him being my best friend meant that I wanted to vaguely run it by him and get some feedback. I knew he would be honest with me, which was exactly what I needed. I hadn't gone with Gus to any of his sessions yet and he wasn't pressuring me to do so, but I knew that sooner rather than later I would have to face the facts and go. We needed it.

I sighed, twirling a piece of my hair as I looked away from my phone. "This whole being married thing has made me realize that I really, really want Gus and I to work. This time it's gonna be different. We can't go back to the way we were. We're never gonna last if we do. We'll just... combust, or something. You know?" I explained. I looked back at the screen and saw him solemnly nodding. "I feel like it could help us a lot. I've heard good things about therapy, whether it's by yourself or as a couple. Figured it's worth a shot."

"Totally. I mean, you might as well try it. What do you have to lose? You guys have already hit rock bottom, so I don't think it can get much worse than it's been before."

"Yeah, you're right," I agreed as I propped my chin up with my hand and rested my elbow on the island. "I'll bring it up to Gus and see what he thinks. Although he's pretty willing to do anything for our relationship, so I can't see him saying no to the idea."

Collin's mouth quirked up in a knowing smirk. "Like I said, he'd die for you."

That much I knew, for certain.

It had been one week since Gus told me about therapy. I hadn't mentioned it to Collin, but then again I hadn't seen much of him since I moved out. Life had gotten hectic, yet again, so as soon as I got home from work and changed, I rang him with a Facetime request. I took a seat at a stool in my kitchen and hadn't moved since he picked up.

"So what do you think his reaction will be to your present?" He randomly asked.

"Oh, he's gonna love it," I grinned. "He might even faint."

"Was it worth skipping our weekly Wednesday dinner for?"

"Absolutely," I affirmed, and he sneered in mock offense to that. "Hey, if I didn't start the whole process now, I'd never get around to it. It'll take like, ten business days to get the card but since I leave for Milan on Sunday and I'll be gone the whole week, I figured I can just show him a copy of the application and he'll get the gist."