The Difference Between Getting and Needing

f o r t y - s i x

take me back to where we began,
can we start over a g a i n . . .

〰️〰️〰️

TWO MONTHS LATER

On the night of my high school graduation, my entire senior class went straight from the ceremony to Quinn Regis' house to celebrate all night long. He was the party aficionado in our grade, a champion swimmer, and a very special person to me.

Not because we were close friends or anything, even though I did almost hook up with him in his hot tub when we were fifteen. I didn't have anything against Quinn, but I was obviously a virgin at the time and I had no sexual feelings for him whatsoever. I had Collin to thank for not leaving my side the night Quinn wanted to make a move on me; he never got to, and he never tried again.

To this day, I still didn't know if he just wanted to make out or go further than that. Either way, doing anything in a hot tub that my classmates frequently used skeeved me the hell out.

All of that nonsense aside, Quinn was special to me because his backyard was the birthplace of Gus and me, where he accidentally offered me a flat, lukewarm beer that changed my life. Two years later, we'd be in that very backyard celebrating our high school graduation as a real couple.

Quinn kickstarted the slew of graduation parties that followed one after another for the rest of that summer until we all left for college. I was living off of Redbull and vodka, cheap beer, and cake. I hardly saw my parents, I slept for about four hours a night, and by the time my eighteenth birthday rolled around in August, I didn't want to do a damn thing for it. I spent most of that day in bed.

Now that Asher graduated from high school this year, it made me realize how he truly was the best Barclay kid. He made the top twenty rank of his class and had multiple offers on the table from universities all over the country. I didn't even know my class ranking and out of the six schools I applied to, Drexel was the only one I got accepted into after being waitlisted for months.

After the ceremony, Asher had dinner with all of us – our parents, grandparents, the Makana's, Duncan, Valerie, Madelyn, Gus, and myself – then he went to a party with his friends and was home safe and sound by two AM. I never made it home after my graduation.

Sometimes I wondered how we were even related.

Asher wasn't crazy about having a party for himself, but my mom couldn't possibly let this milestone slip by quietly. Her last kid graduated high school and she wanted everyone to know it. So on the hottest Saturday in June, we all got together at my parent's house in honor of my baby brother, the fresh graduate.

A massive tent worthy enough for the circus shaded the backyard, which was smart on my dad's part for renting since sitting at a picnic table in direct sunlight would've guaranteed a heatstroke. Said tables were in an orderly arrangement all throughout the grass, each one occupied by a different group of guests – cousins I hadn't seen in forever, Asher's classmates and their parents, and literally anyone that knew the Barclay's.

My dad was manning the grill with Koa, Gus, and a few other fathers because even though my mom went above and beyond with the catering, he couldn't resist. Asher was with his friends, escaping the recurring questions of what he was doing for college and chugging beers. Sutton was sitting at the Monahan's table looking like a sunflower come to life in her striking yellow jumpsuit, having a conversation with my mother-in-law that required dynamic hand gestures and squealing.