The Difference Between Getting and Needing

t h i r t y - e i g h t

'cause you show me something
i can't live w i t h o u t . . .

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I made a promise to myself long ago that once I came out of Sutton's wedding alive, I was done celebrating things for the rest of the year. That wasn't entirely feasible, considering my family thrived on festivities of all kinds and my life didn't seem to have a pause button for any of it.

Especially not for Collin's twenty-fourth birthday.

It had been months since we all got together – Collin, Jax, Seb, the whole squad. I knew we all had our own busy lives to attend to and growing up sometimes meant growing apart, but I was not about to allow that. Now that I had gotten through the wedding and fashion week, the timing couldn't have been more perfect for us to reunite.

Although Collin despised it, I refused to let this occasion slip by unnoticed. Having been a leap year baby meant the last time we got to properly acknowledge his birthday was four years ago. Everyone, with myself being the ring leader, deemed it worthy of having an ass-kicking party. Collin always thought the complete opposite.

Deep down, I think he struggled with processing his emotions – it was his inferiority complex. Like he didn't matter as much, he was lesser than the rest of us. What was once jealousy as a child for not having a "normal" birthday developed into pure hatred and a habit of rejecting the date. Though he never admitted this to me, I knew him just about as much as I knew Gus. He didn't have to admit it.

This year, while considering his wishes for a low-key night, I figured having all of our friends meet at our favorite watering hole for a night of strong drinks, pool, and the best shoestring fries would suffice.

When Saturday rolled around, after coming home from Milan in one piece and adjusting into my new day-to-day married life, Collin thought just the two of us were going out for a quiet dinner. I told him we were making up for missing our weekly meetup on Wednesday, blaming it on my severe jetlag. It was partially true, but it also helped make him completely unsuspecting to the plan. 

The February air was crisp as we scurried across the busy intersection arm-in-arm until we reached the entry doors of Cruiser's. Collin pulled open the door for us, stopping in the threshold to let the bouncer check our IDs with our arms still latched together before we went on our way.

The moment our eyes adjusted to the familiar space, and the dim colored lights revealed our friends dispersed around the room, his astonished gaze swung around to meet me.

"You didn't."

"Oh, I did," I grinned.

It was fleeting, but I saw the way his lips lifted into a content little smile as he surveyed the scene. The bar teeming with warmth and love and people that were gathered for him. He didn't have to admit it – his feelings were written all over his face.

I did my own inspection of the room and spied Gus leaning against the pool table, a beer bottle in hand, accompanied by Dean and the rest of his cronies. Whatever they were discussing during their lax game of pool had them all suddenly howling with laughter that swallowed every other conversation in the bar. His smile lit up the whole place and if my arm wasn't already interlocked with Collin's, I would have charged right through the crowd to him. The collared shirt with the rolled-up sleeves and teeny bit of scruff he hadn't shaved off yet was working its magic on me.

Collin bumped his shoulder against mine, terminating my daydream.

"This is great," he confessed. I hadn't expected to see his eyes darken when I turned to him, his expression quickly warping into discomfort. It forced my eyebrows together in concern at his sudden change in demeanor. "I'm gonna say hi to some people first, but I really need to talk to you about something. It's kinda serious. I was hoping we could do it tonight at our dinner."