The Difference Between Getting and Needing

f o r t y - f o u r

i wanna be loved,
i don't wanna be l o n e l y . . .

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Four months ago, if anyone told me I'd be planning a wedding with Sutton that wasn't her own, but in fact mine, I'd think they were off their fucking rocker. And if they told me my sister would willingly help me plan my wedding and pay my rent, I'd think she was off her rocker.

I guess I was the one off my rocker because all of that was true, whether I believed it or not.

It was happening faster than I could keep up with. The second my sister heard go, she was in a full-sprint twenty yards ahead of me and I was still tying my shoelaces at the starting line. Time was precious with Sutton; every minute meant something and if you weren't taking advantage of it, you were already losing. The girl could probably restructure the solar system in sixty seconds if she wanted to.

I left her house with a loose outline for a party that she so appropriately dubbed "A Monahan-d in Marriage", a stomach full of Kalua Pig, and a headache. I wouldn't have expected anything else.

I let myself savor the silence that greeted me when I got into Gus' car at the end of the day, sinking back onto the headrest and shutting my eyes. Sutton and I were in a good place, but it didn't mean she was any less exhausting to be around. No amount of gloom and doom could keep her down. She was just as overbearing as she'd always been, if not more so.

Since I had a lengthy drive ahead of me and I couldn't remember the last time I checked my phone, I scrolled through my notifications before I started up the car. My eyebrows furrowed when I saw that they were all from a handful of apps – no texts, no missed calls. Gus had answered me when I told him I made it to Sutton's nearly eight hours ago. I found it especially weird that Collin hadn't replied to me all day either.

Panic started to rise, twining around me like wild ivy vines. I didn't want to assume the worst, but it was instinctive. It was how I'd always been and when it came to two of the most essential people in my life, no assumption was too dramatic.

Sometimes I swore we had the same brain because as I opened my favorites list, a text from Collin popped up at the top of my screen. He claimed that he just saw my messages. I clicked on his name to call him instead, and he answered within one ring.

"Since when did you stop answering your phone?" I ignored using pleasantries and went straight to the issue at hand.

"Sorry," he said breathlessly. "I was out shooting for most of the day with Jax and then we met up with Seb. He brought Abe over to check out the house and our lease. Believe it or not, I do have a life outside of you."

While I was relieved to hear that Collin's hunt for a third roommate to replace Seb was coming to an end, his closing retort had me scoffing. "Excuse me for being concerned. I hadn't heard from you or Gus in hours. I thought you both died or something."

"Well, I don't keep tabs on your husband so I don't know what he's up to. I'm very much alive, on the other hand."

"Great." I put my phone on speaker and fastened it into the mount on the dash so I could keep talking to Collin while driving. The ride home wasn't looking any better if I kept delaying it, so I started up the car and rolled down the street. "Anyway, I'm leaving Sutton's now so I should be back in Philly by eight. Do you wanna go out when I get home?"

"Hell yeah."

"Perfect. I'd love to be drunk tonight."

He snickered at my response. "Was it that bad with Sutton?"