Seeking Stars In Your Eyes

☆Thirty-Four☆

Night in, Night out, Natsu would hope he wouldn't have nightmares.
    But here he was, 3 am, Gray was asleep by his side.
            He was always so cute in his sleep.

Natsu wanted nothing more than his PTSD to go away, but that's not how it works. He felt awful for things that were out of his control. He felt scared and weak anytime someone brought up his mom.  He wanted to run away, far away. 

But wasn't that the exact thing that got his sister killed.

If only he had been smarter.
If only he had been stronger.
If only he wasn't so dependent.
If only he wasn't useless.

If only.

Such useless thoughts run about in his head. He can't change what happened. He can't change his environment. He can't run from himself.
That dark side of his mind he never liked, he can't ever get rid of.

He sighed.

He wished he wasn't such a burden, even tho nobody would ever say that. He just feels that way perpetually.

He glanced out the bathroom window looking up at the night sky, it was clear but you couldn't see the stars. That was such a shame, the stars are always so pretty, but much like nature, it's fading.

The insides of Natsu started churning, he knew it was all his mother's fault. It wasn't his fault he almost starved. It wasn't his fault. 

Natsu always knew that. It wasn't his fault, but whenever he thought of his mother all he felt was rage.

His mother was the type of person to bomb a neighborhood just to see the suffering. Natsu was no stranger to anger, he's gotten angry plenty of times. 

When it's anger about his mother, on the other hand, It was a different kind of rage. One that didn't go away. The one where people seek out revenge and blood.

Natsu wanted revenge. He wanted her to be punished. He wanted her to feel the injustice of her actions. He wanted her to pay.

Now, this isn't some tragic anime Villian backstory or motive, he wasn't just going to become what people call 'evil'. Natsu saw himself as a good person, he enjoyed helping people, he liked being nice and cracking jokes. 

But there is a dark side to everyone.

That dark side just happened to be channeled through his intense hatred of his mother.

Natsu hung his head and ground his teeth, he gripped his medicine bottle and threw it across the bathroom.  It hit with a bang against the bathroom wall and it echoed through the house. 

Natsu's head snapped up and looked around, he hoped no one heard that. 

Thankfully Cece was sound asleep and Gray only stirred. 

Natsu sighed, but determination flashed in his eyes and he decided to himself; that he was personally executing his Mother as soon as possible. 

That sense of dread and fear, it lingered. Natsu hoped once his mother is gone it would leave too. He backed himself up against the wall and slid down the wall like the tears on his face.

Gray, who had stirred from the loud bang, his gay senses were tingling. He woke up and the bed next to him was cold. He sat up and looked around, the bedroom door was open. He dragged himself out of bed groggily and stumbled until he saw Natsu in dark sitting on the bathroom floor with tears in his eyes.

"Hey babe, what's wrong?"  Gray stood in the doorway.

"Gray, I didn't mean to wake you, I was just taking my medicine..." Natsu wiped his tears and stood up. 

Gray walked over and picked up the medicine Natsu had thrown across the room.

"...PTSD...medicine." Gray trailed off, "Did you have a nightmare?"

Natsu silently nodded.

Gray looked away, "I wish you told me." 

Natsu instantly got up and hugged him, "I was going to, I swear I was! I was planning on telling you in the morning not at 2 am."

Gray smiled sadly, "I don't mind you waking me up." 

Natsu sniffled, "Bullshit."

"I said I don't mind you waking me up."  Gray ruffled Natsu's pink fluffy hair, "C'mon let's go cuddle."

Natsu nodded.