Teenage Dirtbag -South Park Creek

A Long One

[Craigs P.o.V]

I sighed and pinched inbetween my eyes. 

"A boat ride?" I Said, leaning back in my desk chair.

"Seriously. That's the best you can come up with? A boat ride."

"Hey you know I'm not good at this stuff!" Clyde told me, "That's why I'm single"

"That's why I'm single too" I Sighed again

"Can't you ask Token or Jimmy for help?"

"No! It has to be you!"

"You can't just ... dump all your problems on me, though" he said while falling onto my bed " I mean not because I don't want to help you, but 'cause I don't know what to tell you! I always think the ladies will love it. Then they don't"

"But I'm not trying to impress a lady!" I say spinning around in my chair to face Clyde "I just want to do something nice for him!"

God when did I get all mushy? I used to just shove my feeling so deep down that I forgot about them but now! I actually want to do something nice. I hate doing nice things, I hate doing anything!

"Okay so no boat ride then" he said while ripping out the piece of paper in his notebook and blindly tossing it towards the trash can 

I dropped my chin into my hands "I was just thinking, since you're a lot closer to Tweek, that you could tell me what kinda stuff he like. We don't need this huge romantic gesture, I just want to give him a lot of little things over time"

"Man you really are head over heels huh?"

I glared at Clyde.

"Well..." he began,

"if you really want to know what he likes" Clyde whispered while getting closer to me.

"ASK HIM!" He yelled in my face.

 Little shit I should set him on fire while he's sleeping tonight.

"Ow!" I yelled rubbing my ear "No that's weird" 

"And asking everything about him from a friend that isn't even his closest friend isn't?"

"I'm not gonna ask Wendy or Bebe! If they found out I like him they wouldn't shout their mouth and they'd tell him!"

"What's so wrong with that?" Clyde asked 

I glared at him with a mix of confusion and disgust in my eyes.

"What do you mean what's wrong with that! I'm not ready for him to know! What if I get rejected?"

Clyde chuckled, "I don't think you'll have to worry about that"

"What?"

That makes literally zero sense, he's such an idiot.

"Just please tell me what he likes" I begged "like what's his favorite movie? I need to know these things so if he has a bad day I can be the one to cheer him up"

Clyde smirked and raised one eyebrow. Gross.

"Write this down" he said 

I got my notepad back from his lap and grabbed a pencil while looking eagerly up at him.

"His favorite movie is back to the future,His favorite artists are Queen and Billy Joel," 

I interrupted Clyde and said "ew really? Billy Joel?" While looking up from the notebook